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Butch? Femme? EEE!!

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Okay... I am bisexual... I seem to be more along the lines of butchy-femme... I have a femme core surrounded by a hard edge... If that makes sense... I still wear makeup and do my hair, but I am not very girly. (Only when the mood strikes me! :))

My question is this... Do I really need a label to identify my sexual preference?? I mean, perhaps I do "act" butchy-femme... But can't I be... Just... Me?

Any advice or thoughts are most appreciated. :)
Read My Ramblings!--->Nella's Blog!!


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Simply put, just please be yourself! I am just like you, I do my hair, put a little bit of eyeliner but it seems that the women I'm attracted to tend to be a bit more femme, so almost by default, I'm the rougher one. I have been struggling with my identity since I was very young, so now, almost thirty, I'm comfortable being this "butchy-femme-whatever" girl who still shops for makeup!
"How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads; to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams." - Bram Stoker


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All you have to do is be you. No you do not have to be butch or femme. It is not a criteria for being bi sexual, lesbian or gay. Butch , femme sometimes are not understood in the lesbian worlds as well in the straight world. It is something inside you. Either you can have it or not. It does not make it wrong or right either way. It is a feeling about your self. If your true to your self then that is all that matters.

Personally there is nothing more sexy than a butch's sexy smile :wink:


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I think you should only call yourself by a label if that's what you identify as. If you agree with that label. Just because something is out there doesn't mean you have to use it for yourself. You can call yourself butchy femme if you want, but if not then don't feel pressured. I think there are WAY more people that don't fit a label, or aren't comfortable with a label, than do/are.

You're just you, just like everyone else is just them.
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"


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I never gave much thought to the labels issue until recently. I'm fairly feminine in appearance but can act fairly butch - I was in the AF and have been told on more than one occassion that I have more balls than many men have. :-) I tend to be attracted to women that I describe as 'butch' - in appearance and personality. Those labels seemed to work for me, and I couldn't really fathom their use really upsetting anyone. Frankly, I figured that the posts that I'd encountered about the labels were folks just being too sensitive -- and for that I'm sorry, and hereby formally apologize to anyone that I might have offended with that last line.

So, I have a gf that I adore. She's just my type -- played rugby in the tighthead position, would kick your a** if you hurt someone she loved and a strong-willed, independent woman. To my mind, she fit the definition of butch, and as such, I assumed that she would have accepted that label for her years ago. You know that old saying about assumptions? Yeah, well, it certainly fit in this situation.

I wasn't the only one making that assumption. As we were driving down the road w/ a couple of friends, one of her friends (they've known each other for 20+ years) commented that my gf was butch. Turns out that those are fighting words and not 'nice' in her vocabulary. I was extremely glad that I hadn't chimed in with a comment about her butchness -- lady luck was smiling on me that day! She prefers to think of herself as androgynous in appearance, and feminine in behavior -- and you know what, I can absolutely see that.

Not long after the conversation, she called me when she got a flat tire. She didn't want to change it because she's got soft hands and she wanted them to stay that way. So, now she has AAA to change her flat tires so she can keep her soft hands (to my delight).

(If you're still reading this, thanks for sticking with me!)

The experience certainly changed my perception of labels and the affect that their assignment may have on someone. It also made me realize that we don't need labels for anything or anyone. We women, whether born that way or not, can be anything that we want to be and even contradictory in being that person - strong-willed, independent, with a tough exterior and, at the same time, concessionary, familial, and tender.

As Martina Navratilova said, "Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people."
One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

(As a left-handed lesbian, I'm particularly fond of this quote.)

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