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Identities---how do you identify?

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I find identities fascinating and was wondering what others identified as it seems to vary a lot. I tend to identify as a fifteen year old lesbian for various reasons...it seems to be where I fit, I also identify as shorter than I am, I think because my current height jumped from 5'3 to 5'11 when I was twenty and it may have been resultant of medications I was on. I also fully identify as female which cracks me up sometimes--because it's right down to the wire on some things, I actually caught myself telling soemone I would get my tubes tied, when in all honesty, I can't become pregnant at all right now a sthe movie "Junior" was just a movie and I may or may not have tubes. I am upfront about who I am in many cases, but inside I simply identify as if I grew up as female and have been such all my life, which is why questions puported to me of gender are quite interesting. If someone asks me the boy or girl question I tell them I am female as far as anyone is concerned----If they ask if I'm trans I tell them. I was curious how others identify regardless of their path---I know before i really came out I loved androgyny and still do. I present myself as a womyn but I sometimes get a big kick when someone can't tell either way:)


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As far as identity. I just identify as a bi trans guy. That's about it. But, as far as how the public world sees me, mostly it's just as a 15 or 16 year old boy. Which, to me works because even though it's young, it's still in the male spectrum. So, I try to look the part. I'd rather be seen as older, and I definitely don't see myself as 15 or 16, but I'm OK with others seeing me that way. Even if I do get asked if I should be "out so late on a school night"
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"


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I identify as bi and female. When it comes to sexuality I identify as intersexed. I don't feel comfortable embracing the trans-labels.

How other people see me is a mixed bag. Guys tend to assume I'm straight and girls tend to assume I'm lesbian.

I'm not a big fan of labels. People assume so much in sterotype as a result.

For example, if I identify as trans then guys presume that I'm a she-male or something. That kind of inaccurate thinking borders on offensive.

The bi label has issues too, but I don't have anything more accurate to use. Identifying as bi gets some women thinking that you're just dabbling in lesbianism and not serious about dating other women. Or on the flip side, that you're completely poly.


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I find that I prefer the term 'trans-gender' more thatn transsexual, because a lot of the idiot population catch ONLY the "sexual" part, and automatically substitute 'homo'--not that I particularly GIVE A RIP WHAT idiots think...

Jessica the Weird

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I identify as female, unless I'm trying to be clear, in which case I'll say "trans" or "transwoman".

I don't like the idea of having to label myself very specifically. I am who I am (or in this case, am not). To me it's a simple issue - something got off slightly in my body, and now I look the way I do.


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I identify as a heterosexual male. Putting that I am an FtM lesbian on my profile description felt like a slap in the face oxymoron. As I identify as a male and am solely attracted to females, though I am a biofemale, I believe that makes me heterosexual.



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View PostJameson, on 20 December 2012 - 02:56 AM, said:

I identify as a heterosexual male. Putting that I am an FtM lesbian on my profile description felt like a slap in the face oxymoron. As I identify as a male and am solely attracted to females, though I am a biofemale, I believe that makes me heterosexual.

We're sorry if something on our questionnaire felt like a "slap in the face" to you. That was certainly never our intention.

However, this site overall does operate under the assumption that there is a meaningful difference between someone who was assigned female at birth but now identifies as male versus someone who was always assigned the ID of male by society at large.

While we understand that labels are difficult overall and it's really effing crazy-making to try to construct a set that feels right to absolutely everyone, we've called that situation "trans man = FtM = female to male transsexual/transgender" on our personals questionnaire.

Because, we think that set of labels, flawed though they may be for some, actually signify an identity that is appealing to a lot of people. A lot of our members want to meet someone that is more or less, THAT. That is appealing to them, they want to meet that sort of person, and they come here hoping to do just that.

Obviously, there are a heck of a lot of reasons why someone might want to meet a trans man. But for a lot of our members, many of those reasons have at their core the idea that a trans man may be more in touch with women in general. More in touch than a heterosexual male who was always assigned the ID of male by society at large, that is.

If you were ever identified as female by society at large, and/or if that's the way you grew up, and/or if being female was EVER your sociocultural experience to any extent, you may be a better choice emotionally and intellectually for a relationship with a woman than someone who never experienced the idea/reality of being female in any way. (And we do think that trans women have the experience of being female too, we certainly do not exclude them here.)

We have received a few emails that said something like, "But you shouldn't force trans people to ID as trans, if they don't want to ID that way."

To that we say, we are not. Forcing anyone to identify as anything at all, that is.

If someone of any gender/sex/bio background does not want to ID as anything trans or genderqueered or homoX or anything else at all on the queer spectrum, we're certainly not forcing them to do so. If someone who was identified as one gender at birth wants to go completely "stealth" and ID as completely and totally the other gender now, AND as heterosexual, we are not stopping them. That is their choice.

But then they might not belong on a queer site.

If you're a 100% heterosexual man who wants to meet 100% heterosexual women, there are many sites for that. This is not one of them.

Just to be clear, we're certainly NOT trying to discourage you from being here. As far as we're concerned, you're entirely welcome and you entirely belong.

But if YOU feel you do not belong because you are not in any way a queer person, then that would be your choice too.


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I identify as transgender. Sexually I identify as heterosexual. If I were to have GRS I would probably identify as a lesbian.


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