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Partner withdrawn

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Ok, so I need some input. I have been in a committed relationship with one female for almost 12 years. We have a 4 year old together. She has always been not very sexually active. She has recently started reading lesbian erotica stories, although she doesn't realize I know this. She says she loves me, but not the way we were when we met. She is a loving individual, but doesn't want to go out on dates with me to rekindle anything. She just seems ok with this friends who have sex if she wants to- so far about 6 times this year. She isn't cheating on me, but I am unhappy and don't know what to do. She seems like she would be just as happy alone, but I enjoy our life together as a family. But the relationship leaves much to be desired. She doesn't like to talk about this much, she just gets mad. I am at a loss as what to do, we own a home and other things together. I don't want to break up, but I want to be loved openly again!

Help! :(


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Well, this is a really tough one. It's always gets harder when there are kids involved too. You have such a history together...have you talked to her about how you are feeling? I had a similar situation. I have a 9 year old son and my ex and I split up about 6 years ago. I had the same issue where it seemed that she was a caring person, but just seemed like she wanted to be my friend and not my lover anymore. We talked and just decided that it was better for us to move on and find the love and intimacy that we both deserved. We have tried to stay as friendly as possible and although she is our son's birth mother, I still get to see him and be involved in every aspect of his life. That doesn't mean that you will decide to move on, but at least be honest with yourself and with your partner. I thought that I could live without love and intimacy for a while because I thought it would someday return. Boy was I wrong. I deserve to have my dreams come true and so do you!


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I'm with Terryfly on this, you two must talk about what is going on no matter how mad she gets if you don't you will end up resenting her and it will get very ugly. People don't love the same way at the same time and its possible that your relationship has run its coures and if thats the case you need to discuss this now while there is a chance to work things out in a civil way, if resentment builds things start to get out of hand and the kids pay the price. You both desirve to love and be loved. Good luck
Truth is within ourselves; it takes no rise from outward things, what'er you may believe. There is an inmost centre in us all, where truth abides in fullness.


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in my humble opinion- if she's not willing to discuss the problems, that in itself is a large problem. It indicates that she is living in denial and insensitive to your concerns, or that she sees the problems but is unwilling to take any steps towards fixing them. Either way she's being insensitive and unwilling to give you the respect you deserve as her partner by at least hearing out your concerns.
"gender is drag" ~ Judith Butler

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