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When your drawn to someone who is not your usual type...

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shanghai sally

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I have always considered myself femme and have always been attracted to other femmes. I love the curves and softness but, I have this friend that I would consider butch. She is someone I could just see myself with. We like alot of the same things and get along great. She is fun to be around and she is taken now that I have come to realize that I really like her. I would never tell her unless she became available again because, I respect her way too much. But, in a way it breaks my heart to see her with her girl. Also I sometimes ask myself "What the hell is wrong with you?". I have always wanted to be with femmes and strayed away from the butch types just by preference. Anyone else had this sort of situation happen to them? Tell me I am not alone?

Shanghai Sally :cry:


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I've given up on trying to define my *type.*

My suggestion? Be open to love when and where you find it for yourself. I think it's great that you want to respect your friend by not saying anything to her, and that you don't want to ruin your friendship, or potentially her relationship by spilling the beans. But if your feelings eat away at you, you may start to resent her girl, which can certainly lead to a sour friendship. At which time you may need to be honest with your friend and lay it on the table. She can make up her own mind, but only if she has all the information.

If you feel you can keep your feelings in check- just focus on being happy for her having found happiness. A lot easier said than done, I know.

I have a basic relationship rule. This rule applies to all types of relationships- friends, lovers, partners.... you get the idea. Both people need to be in the relationship for the same reason- be it love, lust, companionship, or some combination. If one person's reasons differ from the other's- it spells heartache.

"gender is drag" ~ Judith Butler

shanghai sally

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I don't like to kiss and tell but, we didn't kiss. However, the three of us were hanging out and there was some alcohol involved. So...things got um well :oops: , I don't know if it is a "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" kind of thing now or what. I still haven't told her and now I am more confused than ever. I still want to tell her but, maybe that is why it happened. Only now I don't feel like I can talk about it to her. I don't want to try to change their relationship but, at the same time it was like adding fuel to the fire because, now I question if she liked me as well. I care about both of them not just physically. And can I find myself seeking someone else? I was sent an email the other day from Lesbotronic and like most of them, I read them and things just don't really click (guess I am weird). Well, I only kept one message. She also got my profile and emailed me she sounds like heaven on earth! And she's really pretty. I just don't want to start something with her then feel something is wrong. I don't want to mess it up. Any suggestions?



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My story is somewhat the opposite. I met this woman by answering her ad on craigslist. I met majority of her criteria with the exception that she was looking for femme/soft butch. Well, unfortunately... I am not considered soft butch. We talked over the phone and we got along really well. After a few days of talking over the phone, we finally decided to meet for the first time. We went to dinner and I started to feel comfortable with her. She was decent in appearance and had a great personality. Frankly, she wasn't my type and neither was I. She preferred to be with femmes rather than a butch; however, I was the first butch she has gone out with. Well, anyway... after dinner we decided to go to a Kareoke bar. We had a couple of cocktails and I am sure we started to feel that attraction for each other as the night progressed. Anyway... we had our intimate moments and the following we talked over the phone. It appeared to me that we both felt the same way for each other. However, she wanted to take things slow, which I totally understand. The week followed by meeting up for lunch everyday and intimate kisses and caresses. The weekend approached and I had planned a romantic weekend for us. The romantic weekend was a success. Unfortunately, we did not see each other during the week like the prior week. She decided to answer a response she got from her ad... now... she's with this woman... who is femme... We both had a very strong connection but it appears to be that she prefers to be with a femme rather than a butch. I can't believe I fell in love with her and I thought she felt the same way about me. I guess... it was just the weekend.

In any event, we're supposedly friends but we still have our intimate moments together. She told me that when she's with me... she can't help herself, but when we're not together, it's like she doesn't want to accept how she feels about me.

How our physical characteristics over power what we feel?

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