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Butch/femme dynamic

I'm what you call 'old school' when it comes to the butch/femme energy. I love the chivalry, giving respect to femmes, the manners, and anything in between. I figure, with this, it wouldn't be so hard to find someone, but it is. I'm not asking for someone with the same exact expectations, but it would be nice to have someone who enjoys that, also. It's not about the labels, it's the energy... the dynamics.

I respect femme energy, their needs and wants, and love spoiling. I'm more of a giver than taker. My motivation is to please her. But what's important to me is the butch/femme energy exchange, because that's what drives a true butch/femme relationship and keeps it going at a nice pace. Of course, i only want her to be happy and comfortable in who she is, nothing more, nothing less.

The butch/femme dance is a wonderful place to be.

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As a card-carrying femme, I have to agree, LOL..."The dance" is by far the most comfortable, exciting, connecting and intense experience I have ever had with another woman. I have been with the same sexy butchy dyke for 7 yrs and it has never gone cold...I find her more intoxicating now, than I ever have, and it is that exchange of energy you mentioned that has always kept me coming back for more LOL:)

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Since I lately understood thay that I am a lesbian I had experiences with both butch and femme girlfriends.I had a better relationship with the butch girlfriend,true.And then it turned bad because maybe I wasnt as femme as my butch girlfriend thought I was.So I believe its not the way you look,or dress,or talk,but there needs to be two different characters for a better couple.

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I think I'm more attracted to the dynamic than to women who would traditionally identify as butch. I like the masculine energy, and sporty girls. But not really butch looking women, if that makes sense.

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I think I'm still confused as to 'what' I am really, as far as butch/femme goes. Lots of soul searching going on for me these days.

But I know emotionally, I prefer someone I can rely on. So I can relate to that aspect. I'm not all about skirts and being a housewife- but I do like doors opened up for me sometimes. And I really need someone in my life who can be strong for me, when I simply have just lost it. Lol.

I do crave a sort of energy. I'm not sure what that is, exactly, but I think you've all summed it up fairly well. It's that 'dance' thing you've been talking about. I'd rather be lead around the dance floor than try to stumble it out for the both of us.

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I'm a tomboy, shave my head for convenience, and solely wear boy's/men's clothing. I feel uncomfortable flirting with other tomboys or butch ladies so I don't. I'd much rather just hang out with fellow boyish/masculine/androgynous gals as buddies. Femme gals (straight or lesbian) are so much more attractive and desirable to me. I try to be their friend and strangely, even though all of them are straight, they've let me...hmm...They must just think I'm a straight tomboy.

It seems like a superficial, physical feeling of attraction that I have. After all, when it comes to personality, butch women can be very kind and even soft (relative to those brusque, brutish men). If any woman does "butch" activities like fix cars, bikes, play rough sports, or build things, they aren't deterring my attraction for them. In fact, I love seeing a femme lady putting on one of those white undershirt tanks and work trousers and hitting some nails into a stud while framing a house.

So then how about personality? I hear some butch lesbians like being chivalrous and being the stable, solid one who the femme depends on and goes to for support. I guess I fit the butch stereotype in that am quite defensive in the face of physical threat and would without second thought try to protect anyone who may not be as able as me to win in a fight. I know because I shoved a potential mugger on Mission Street in San Francisco a couple years ago while my pretty straight girlfriend stood frozen in horror (or confusion). When he demanded, "Give me your money," I yelled back angrily, "No!," and shoved him as hard as I can with one hand. He promptly turned around and walked away. But I think femme women who are fighters are so hot! I'd be happy to have a skillful protector by my side.

So if I can't think of a butch personality trait or activity that is unattractive, then is my preference for femme women just utterly shallow? Is it something I should try to overcome and open myself up to? Or should I just accept that as a flawed human, I have my preferences and I should seek what my heart (well, my eyes) desires?

 

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i a bit of hard fFemme who is into the Butch/femme dynamic.  When I've been out to the womyn's dances my eyes are instantly attracted to the energy coming from butch women.  My first ever realization for Butch was with a GF who was 6 ft tall and into roller derby; she had so many qualities I enjoyed being around her and conversations were relaxed and easy.  I showed up at a womyn's conference one time with a friend who was butch leather dyke and I felt right in place with her taking the steps to show me into the place.  The ladies all stopped and took notice of our presence.  Amazing energy and I will always go that direction if the moment arise and the wheels are in motion.  Single after all these years but I am positive and living life fully.  Looking for the Butch type... any takers?

 

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