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Miz Jett

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I'm totally a tomboy... While I can and do occasionally dress up in a corset and heels, I'm most often found in something comfy - t-shirts, tank tops, jeans, and sneakers or combat boots. I was torn on whether to describe myself as soft butch or butchy femme in my profile, as those were the two closest options but neither was exactly dead-on. I went with soft butch; I'm just curious what others think. Labels are indeed annoying, but I find them a necessary evil.


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That is an interesting comment. I also like occasionally being very femine but most of time like comfy and like woodworking shop in garage. I don't think labels really describe women that well. I have met some women who appear really butch but like very femm things. Gardening, sensous bathes, Candle lights. I really have made a conscoius decision to meet the woman and not the title. :D


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I find labels don't work for me. To look at me I am a big bull-dyke, but I'm a hairstylist, so I'm hardly the butchiest in personality! I get some odd looks in the salon, because at first people wonder why I'm there. However the minute I open my mouth and start talking about my love for my job and what services I want to do with the client, they're shocked! How could someone so "manly" what to do dimensional highlights in a clients hair and act like it's something they do everyday? LOL :lol:

Women shouldn't have labels, it only makes thinkgs more confusing and forces us to conform to the stereotypes that go along with those labels.
If we can put a man on the moon, how come we can't put them all there?


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Personally I don't think labels really ever fit anyone completely not just women, but I also agree that unfortunatly its a nessecary evil. Its ingrained in our human nature to catagorize and simplify everything and everyone that comes within range of our senses, hard to fight let alone completly eradicate.


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I feel as though I may have a different prospective on this since I'm older. When I was first coming out (in the 70's) I thought of butch and femme as these older women from the 50's that had to dress up and play male and female roles. It really turned me off and made me uncomfortable. I thought it was silly.
During the last 30 years of being out I've learned that as some "see" me I may be considered a soft butch. Basically because comparing the way I dress, the way I act, to straight fem women.... I don't wear heels, I rarely wear makeup, I'm very independent, but I'm a woman and I like being one. On the inside, which only my lovers see - I am femme. I prefer to be with women who related to being a woman. I am just not attracted to women who want to be boys or men. That's just me. However, I also believe that everyone has a right and an obligation to "be themselves"....
replies welcome. I'm not here to offend anyone. Just stating my opinion.

Painted Brumby

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I'm a Tomboy in my clothing of choice and in the practical sense when I engage in the repair/maintenance and remodeling on my home or spend time in nature. I'm, also, a womyn who enjoys the more delicate creative arts. In general, I prefer comfort/cotton, as well as jeans and casual pants. I can sling a hammer or thread a needle. I am all that I am and can rise to the occasion. If the situation called for a suit, I'd choose something with an androgenous flair and can look quite debonair. I like lesbians that are like myself (one's that can vascillate between tomboy and fem). Not only is it practical, it allows one to be creative, spontaneous, and interesting. I can open the car door and offer my arm. Or, my girl could do the same for me. Or, we could forego formalities. There is no box.

Using labels as descriptions is one thing. And, they can only come close, at best. Using them with mean intentions is another thing. Either way, it is not the descriptions that help to make the person. It is the person that makes the choices. Whether it's making a choice to be true to yourself or not, it's still the person's personal freedom to choose... and to modify their choices.


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Wow, I assumed implying "butch" meant more masculine than "wearing comfy clothes" like t-shirts and jeans. I don't see or label myself that way because I don't find my preference masculine; if I had the time and money, I probably would dress more femininely though. I don't consider myself a tomboy either though, as I think I have pretty feminine interests otherwise. I guess it get's tough when you're trying to be oh so specific.


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I don't look too butch due to not being able to afford more of what I like to wear and people giving me femme clothing over the years. I am plus size so I am happy to have clothes that fit! :) I don't do makeup or fancy dresses most of the time, but I do like crazy and fun earrings. That's about as femme as I get though I do have longer hair (for now). I'm most comfortable in jeans and black shirts. I am more masculine, but I do have a softer side too. I guess there really is no one or the other, but shades of gray throughout.


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Yeah, this is one that gets twisty and complex like following a single strand of spaghetti to its point of origin. I'm not big on labels but when you're defining yourself and stating your style, it's difficult not to use them just to shorthand it.

I kind of consider myself either soft butch or tomboy, but my definitions of those concepts are totally peculiar to myself. I mean, others may share them but when I talk about them I'm not talking about anything other than personal opinion... you know, strictly for myself.

As a transwoman, it's doubly or trebly complex. Sometimes I do feel "girly girl" and wear skirts and dresses but ultimately, I'm very punkish still so I'm pretty comfortable in jeans. I tend to like boyish clothes, or mixing elements. If I wear a dress, I prefer sneakers or big black Doc Martens. If I wear jeans, I like lots of beaded bracelets. In terms of activities, I like sports. I mean sports like inline skating, skateboarding and surfing. I love playing guitar and making avant-sounds and stuff. Noise and things like that. I like being aggressive.

But I'm not sure if I consider those traits masculine or feminine or both since most people I know are a real mix of all of those.


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Also, as an older lesbian having come out in the 70's I was aware of the various labels and was offended being placed in a restrictive box. As an athlete I was more the "Sporty Dyke" in attire. However, if one saw me working on the ranch and building fence I could easily draw the "Butch" label. Riding a motorcycle didn't make me a "Diesel Dyke" yet, I found those that went by that label tended to like the butch-fem dynamic. As I got older and began to explore my feminine side with ear piercings and light make-up I still fit the slacks, silk shirt, blazer model more often. Though, recently I was told I dance like a guy. HUH? What does that mean? I do tend to lead but, beyond that ..... Anyway, this is an interesting topic to explore. I clean up well and like the androgyny label most often. Though, I don't mind "soft butch" if there isn't masculine behavior expectations. Kitchen or outside, I work with my hands. I like the balance.

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