LizzieLou

reading the writing on the wall, then ignoring it

... I'd been too dense to see the disaster when it was way back on the first date. Nope, I hadda march blindly on for a year and a half, shacking up and everything, before I could see clearly that the first date when she told me to "eat it bitch!" was a bad sign.

Sure she was making a joke about dinner in a restaurant, but there was just something in the tone I really shoulda recognized..... Hmmm.

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I usually either see the signs way in advance and don't date the woman to start with. Or, I'm so crazy about her I don't see any signs what so ever. No matter how many signs there are or who repeatedly points them out to me. I simply can't/won't see or hear them. ( You might know its really bad when a woman's own friends start warning you behind her back, but not me! I won't listen to it, if I'm in love that's all I need to know!)

After I get over the pain/anger/etc of the break-up, I'll look back & realize there not only where plenty of signs, there was a whole road map! I just couldn't/wouldn't see.

Whoever said love is blind, was correct, in my opinion.

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I'd say love makes you blind. I've ignored the signs twice now. :/

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Have you ever said anything that u meant to be as a joke and someone thought u meant it?

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I know from personal experience that love makes me blind. After (hopefully) learning the hard way, I now pay attention to the catten's input about people I date. This is not meant to sound trite or witty. She has saved my bacon more than once. The catten has nothing to gain by being dishonest, and she has been very reliable.

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Some psychopaths are very good about not leaving any signs for a long time, behaving very well, almost too good to be true. Then, use you, abuse you mentally once they know they have your attachment. Be careful out there, sometimes there are no signs from psychopaths.

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Just a little ladvice I make a list of rules. 10 things I wil not except. It's easier to hold yourself accountable for your choices. Instead of Wht others tell u. Don't break the rules no matter what let her know the rules upfront she don't like rules she need to go got to be strong good luck ; )

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On ‎2‎/‎3‎/‎2015 at 9:16 AM, CJ24kt said:

Just a little ladvice I make a list of rules. 10 things I wil not except. It's easier to hold yourself accountable for your choices. Instead of Wht others tell u. Don't break the rules no matter what let her know the rules upfront she don't like rules she need to go got to be strong good luck ; )

Best advice I've read all night. Since losing my wife of ten years, I've tried to get back into the dating scene (having no idea how to do that); and the result was that I repeatedly dated women that I had nothing in common with. I kept accepting dates because I didn't want to make anyone feel bad or be close-minded, and I regretted it every single time. I'm in my mid-thirties, I know what I want, and the onus is on me to be true to myself and honest with other people.

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On 11/27/2006 at 1:34 AM, LizzieLou said:

... I'd been too dense to see the disaster when it was way back on the first date. Nope, I hadda march blindly on for a year and a half, shacking up and everything, before I could see clearly that the first date when she told me to "eat it bitch!" was a bad sign.

Sure she was making a joke about dinner in a restaurant, but there was just something in the tone I really shoulda recognized..... Hmmm.

I've been in a similar situation with a guy. The very first guy I had ever been involved with on more than a friendship level. He seemed really genuine and hired me as a live in housekeeper. Things eventually turned romantic/sexual and I was completely blinded to all the warning signs. I didn't even recognize alot of the subsequent abuse as abuse until after I had gotten out and had time to reflect. 

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I think it all comes down to self love, self awareness, and self respect. You have to know who you are, what you stand for, and love YOU more than you love the idea of some magical relationship. Romantic sharks can smell desperation like blood in the waters. If you are desperate to be in a relationship, you leave yourself open to all types of abuse. Mostly, we abuse ourselves by getting into situations that we know aren't right for us but we make excuses. We tell ourselves to be open minded or non-judgemental. My grandmother used to say "If you open your mind too much, your common sense will fall out." I believe that. When it comes to dating, I am very closed minded and proud of it. If I wouldn't choose her as a best friend, then there's no reason for us to date. The person that I date has to be beautiful on the inside. She has to be respectful and kind to EVERYONE, not just me. She isn't perfect but she really does want to be the best person that she can be. The problem is .. it takes time to get to know someone and too many of us just aren't willing to put in the time. If you don't get to know who someone truly is before you have sex then your entire perception is cloudy. It's like dating on drugs. The biggest dating issue as I see it is, people confuse attraction with compatibility and often SETTLE for someone who is totally incompatible. For example, I'm attracted to many different types of women but I can date very few women long-term. I know my type. Two really great people may not make a great couple. That's a very hard pill to swallow. It takes confidence and faith to walk away from this scenario. I recently, met an amazing person who isn't right for me. It happens. When you're young there's time to explore .. to figure out what works for you. As you get older, time becomes a commodity .. and you want to spend your time being happy and stress free above all else. If you don't know yourself well enough, you just keep spinning your wheels, trying to make relationships work when they are hopeless. (In walks desperation).

My advice to anyone who's dating online (And looking for a LTR) is the following:

1.  Be upfront about who you are and what your expectations are. Don't lie!

2.  Ask a LOT of questions, particularly relationship hypothetical situations, living situations, and X drama.

3. INSIST on Skyping or face-time prior to meeting in person.

4. Let the person know up front that friendship and getting to know one another is a precursor to sex.

5. Listen to your spidey sense. If something doesn't feel right, explore it and if need be walk ... No run in the opposite direction.

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