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Mean Girls

Well, I received a message from a girl several months ago who was using this website. She started off being very pleasant. She said she was a plus size model and a makeup artist. She sounded very sweet as she didn't even really know how to use a computer properly and I had to teach her how to send photos via messenger. She only lived a few miles away and was a couple of years older than me and also had not much experience in "lesbianism" although she seemed to be constantly horny for a woman! Anyway she seemed perfect.

We chatted for a long time before discussing whether we should meet up. It was actually her suggestion to meet up as I was wary of meeting strangers from the internet. We ended up swapping telephone numbers and a couple of weeks ago we set a date to meet so I called her (just to check she was a girl for one thing!) She sounded very sexy and she was determined we were going to meet up.

The next morning I received an email saying she though that I was "below her standards" and she wouldnt be meeting up with me. I started talking to her about it and she said the email was sent to me by mistake and was meant for some weirdo she was talking to.

So we decided we would still meet up and I kept the set date free so I could see her. I texted her the day before to ask what time to pick her up and didn't get a response. I wasn't too bothered and just assumed she would text when she was at the train station. Anyway I waited all day and I eventually sent her a text saying I had waited for her all day. This morning I got this message from her..."do you actually think i give a fuck u stupid, ugly slut"

Won't be talking to her again! Be warned against girls who are supposedly bisexual. I recently found out she is about to buy a house with her boyfriend.

Genuine people please feel free to contact me but don't expect me to be too trusting for a while.


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Wow, sorry you had that negative experience, but I think in some ways, you dodged a bullet. Meaning, even though getting stood up is no fun for anyone, I think you're ultimately much better off than if you'd actually met her in person . . . or worse, tried to have an actual relationship with her, no matter how casual.

I would have definitely filed her in the Not Worth Pursuing category after the first semi-psycho email. (She can't figure out who she's sending email to? Shyeah . . . that excuse doesn't work for anyone with an IQ above 80 unless she's really drunk or high. So she's either lying, or has a tendency to send rude emails drunk/high? Great! ) And then the second "u stupid slut" message . . . that sort of psychobabble speaks volumes about the person sending it, and little or nothing about the person receiving it. She has ISSUES (yes, in all caps) that have nothing to do with you.

This woman's main course may be confusion about her sexuality and/or what she's looking for in a date, but I'd say she also features a heaping side dish of Just Plain Crazy.

I'd agree that any woman that's serious about finding other women to date should be on the lookout for the "supposedly bisexual," but I'd also add that there are ACTUAL bisexual women out there who aren't conflicted about their sexuality or their boyfriend/marital status. Whether or not to date bisexual chicks is a personal choice, but many of them can set up a date with another woman and get to the actual showing up for it part without sounding like they're off their meds or need to get on some STAT.

I'd say there are some warning signs of someone who's less than serious about pursuing whatever they said they were, and who very well may be in the "supposedly" category. No, none of these are failsafe, but I'd guess if you see any of these I'd consider your light to have gone from green to at least yellow:

** Male spouses or live-in boyfriends "cropping up" after failing to be mentioned initially

** Severe reticence about or severe "unavailability" around meeting in person. "Severe" would mean avoidance of even meeting briefly for coffee in a public place, after many emails and phone calls and you're both satisifed y'all are both women who seem to be more or less who you say you are, etc.

** "Constantly horny" for women, but no experience. No, I'm not knocking the inexperienced PER SE, but for anyone who's entirely old enough to have had some, but hasn't, one might want to wonder exactly WHY that is. There could be a perfectly legitimate reason, but it also could be they're secretly married. Or secretly way more ambivalent about even getting to a F2F meet with ANY potential female date than they're letting on. It could be something along the lines of dating women being a fantasy for them, but one they really don't have the chutzpah or feel they have the personal freedom (married with kids) to make reality anytime soon.

(Many people have fantasies they roll over in their mind, but don't actually plan to go through with for whatever reason. There's nothing wrong with that; it's healthy and normal. The rude part comes in when you insist on dragging otherwise well-meaning women looking on the internet for actual dates into it, and doing that would make you a Lying Manipulative Asshat. Just rent a video already and leave other people out of it. Gah.)

** Sending messages and/or pictures that are much more sexually explicit than most women would send to someone with whom they're not already involved. No, I'm not suggesting this is somehow morally questionable, but most women who are actually looking for dates tend to save some of the "good stuff" FOR an ACTUAL date. If she seems to want to go XXX in your text communications way early in the game and before meeting in person, that might be because she's not intending to show up for an actual date. The text communication IS the whole interaction (even though she may be the only one who knows that so far), so she's trying to make that as juicy as possible. You're trying to meet an actual person for a F2F relationship, she's just trying to get her jollies off from afar.

** Any use of the phrase, "My boyfriend/husband might like to watch."

Hey, if anyone else reading wants to add some of their own, that'd be interesting. 

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As a bisexual, I tend to get pretty offended when people trash bisexuality as a state of limbo, confusion, or whatever.

But, as a woman who dates women, I am very wary of women claiming to be bisexual. Bisexuality isn't the issue, it's the fact that so many vaguely bi-curious women adopt this label, and then don't live up to it.

It reminds me a little of the Chrstianity vs. Christians thing. I don't have nearly as much against Christianity as I do against the majority of it's followers.

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A straight friend of mine told me a few stories about some women in New York who are playing out fetish games they call Cat Mouse Crush. It is basically a game where the fetish is all about a dominating woman seeking a sub and chasing her but also not just playing but intending to injure and wound her on many levels--mentally, emotionally, physcally, sexually. It is called a Crush game because it is meant to Crush the other person's sense of self.

I am saying that because the younger women, maybe thirties and younger can be out there playing some hard core mind games. Knowing how the sm/bdsm/fetish games can bleed into the lgbt life style without consent, I am totally on awares now. And, I am sharing this with you because even if she was not intending to hurt you, it does seem that she was intending to abuse or use you for her own gain. Be careful out there.

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I am a bisexual (currently. My sexuality is always evolving as I get older) I am always wary of bi or heteroflexible (bicurious) individuals as far as potential intimate relationships go. 

I don't date women often because I'm always looking for some one I could potentially be lifelong friends with even if we're not meant to be in a romantic relationship. It's hard to find given my overall preferences. 

Women like the one referred to above give all of us a bad name. If it was truly her sending the messages. Having been under the thumb of an abusive and controlling man I know they don't hesitate to "catfish" those that may potentially steal their "toy" away. So it's possible this was the situation here though I doubt it. 

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