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How do you forget that you love someone? Guideance anyone!

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shanghai sally

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I could go into this long spill about how I am bi, husband knows it and is okay with it, friends with a girl, discussed having a relationship with her on her terms, thought that we were atleast as much as possible, she had issues about her kids finding out about us (the married thing because; she always taught them not to fool around with someone married) even though our situation is a little different, still cares about me and how I feel about her, decided that she didn't want a relationship she had to hide, is now dating another one of our friends (a single guy) which she doesn't have to hide anything about, fools around with him in front of me, expects me not to care; I guess, has know idea how much I love her even now as I try to hide it and just play the friend card I have been dealt. So after all that I can not stand to think of her not being part of my life if even as just a friend and we work together and live very close to each other so I couldn't avoid her being there. I just want to know if it is possible to love someone and only show friendship. I can't just turn off my feelings for her like a leaky faucet. I know that I will not ever stop loving her but, it is so hard to just let it be. How do I cope? I even tried telling my self that it doesn't bother me and that I am nothing but, pissed about the fact that she won't let herself be in a relationship with me because of the hiding it issues. I keep telling myself that one day she might change her mind because, in the past she has said that it might change one day and if that day comes I could just tell her no because she has hurt me so bad with all of this but, then it would just be a lie to myself if I told her that I still didn't want her. Because, I would still want her and even though I have shed so many tears over her that I could fill up a dry lake with, I could never turn my back on her. I have never told her I love her and I know that right now those words would just make her not want to talk to me and so I guess I just hope that one day I get the chance to have her feel more than she does now and know that what I feel for her is nothing but true. Any words of wisdom on how to remember I am just the friend that she needs?


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I think I'm just confused.... if you love someone else, why are you still married to your husband in the first place??

shanghai sally

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It's not that I don't love my husband because, I do. Yes, I try very hard to deal with the feeling that really do not like men at all but, I feel that to leave him just because I feel the way I do would not be right at all. I don't really feel bi, I feel lesbian and always have except for with him but, it is not his fault that I feel this way. I can't say that haven't thought about leaving my husband but, what kind of person would I be if I did for all the wrong reasons. He loves me with all his heart and so I guess I will just have to deal with being bi and he knew that long before we were married. Anyhow I don't think that she would really love me anymore if I did leave him because, she is his friend and she would see how that would hurt him. I realize that I am not perfect in that I am not one way or the other and have been dealing with those feelings for a long time and I realize that if I left my husband that I would never look at another man again but, I do love both of them, the feelings are different with each of them but, I do love them both. She is also bi and I would say even more so than I because, she on the other hand really truely likes both. She had left a relationship with a girl that ended badly before we were involved. So I am sure that this was part of the problem. Instead of a rebound relationship she felt that all women where in some way going to hurt her, I guess. I have since realized about her that all the wishing and hoping in the world will not make her fall in love with me so I will try to put my deepest feelings away for now and not hold my breath. Maybe one day she will see me for who I am and not for what the other girl did to her in the past. But, I will always love her no matter how hard I try not to. I will just try in the mean time to be there with her and see how life goes.


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In your post you said that you will be there for her as friends. (That's the way I understood it anyway)

Isn't it better to be her friend rather than no relationship at all?

Good luck Dear :!:

Ross Mock

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The "relationship" with this other person is confusing as you describe it. Appears to me, in your description, that you care more for her than she cares for you. Reminds me of that old barn dog that lays down on the bale of hay; he can't eat the hay but he's not going to let the cows eat it either.

When you get tired of playing "second fiddle" in this relationship, you'll wake up and find someone new. I do hope, however, for the sake of your husband, that you'll end the first relationship before you start another. Having no realistic committment with the first relationship (with your husband) is unfair to him and to yourself.

Edited by Ross Mock, 19 March 2014 - 11:38 PM.


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