swedishcarrina

I have not told anyone...

I always knew deep down that I wanted to be with a women... and not just in a sexual way. No one knows yet. I am not sure how to tell peole

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And . . . I'm not sure this is a 100% serious post. Something about the total lack of any helpful detail.

However, in case it is, for anyone to offer anything constructive, we'd probably need that helpful detail. There's no one size fits all answer to anything like this. What you might want to consider depends on a lot of things, like:

- How old you are, what your life situation is, if there's anything important on the line that would likely be affected, like a job, a place to live, money for school, etc.

- Who you're considering telling, your relationship with that person, how much control they do/do not have over your life

- What those people are like, what you know about their views on non-heterosexuality

- Whether or not you're involved with another woman now, her comfort level with having whomever you plan to tell know what she's been up to with you, whether or not you'll include her in your coming out or let her "stay in the closet" for now

- How much detail in general you're comfortable sharing with whomever, what sort of questions you might not be comfortable answering

- What you plan to do or say if they have a negative reaction

- What YOU hope to get emotionally out of telling whomever, if that's at all realistic, and how you'll take care of yourself if how you hoped they'd react and how they did react are very different

and . . . that's just a brief list to get you going. If you want to reply back with some more detail, I would guess we'd have more suggestions.

Otherwise, good luck!

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I am serious. I am just scared. I do not know what to say. I am 30, I have 2 children. I have always been attracted to women. I have never spoke of this before, mainly because I know most of my family will shun me. I live in a town that has a huge chunk of people who are very much against the gay community.

I never been with a woman fully. I have kissed and touched, but not made love to. I was in love with my best friend all through out high school and into my early twenties. We had been joking around about how if neither one of us got married by the time we where 30 we'd "marry" each other. She just got married about 4 months ago. I knew she was not gay... but I hoped. She does not know either. I was afraid I would lose her friendship somehow.

I thought I would come here and find support, but all I found was being questioned if I was serious or not. Why would I go through the trouble of jumping through all your hoops? This is hard enough as it is.

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Your first post sounded a little trollish. This one not.

Also, I think you're being just a TAD oversensitive here. You were not at all MERELY being questioned or asked to "jump through hoops." You were given what for most people in this situation would be a nice list of practical things you'll really want to consider before taking any type of action. That took a little bit of time to think about and type. Wasn't that supportive? It certainly was meant to be, and it certainly was in my mind.

Whether or not you want to actually respond to that by answering any of those questions here is entirely up to you, but I guarantee you'll be better off if you start considering them for yourself, at least.

We don't know who you want to "come out" to, or why. Are you looking to find someone to date now? Your friend sounds like she's not a great option. Would you like to find someone else? Is that an immediate goal, is there space in your life for that right now? Do your kids have a father, and if so, is he a concern? Do you want to move to a more progressive community, or are you locked into remaining where you are for the time being? If your geographic location is seriously oppressive, normally we'd recommend getting the hell out of Dodge to someplace better, especially if you're looking to date. But you didn't say whether or not that might be an option now or anytime in the near future.

Meanwhile, I think all towns still feature an unfortunate chunk of people who are against the gay community. Even in cities that are considered more progressive, you're never completely free of the Idiot Fringe. It's just a question of whether or not they represent the majority. It's unlikely homophobia is completely going away (at least in the US) anytime soon, unfortunately. I think a more relevant consideration for you might be whether or not you can ALSO find people in your current community that will support you. Have you looked into that, at all? And, how close are you to the idiots? Are you employed by them? Are they your daycare providers? The teachers of your children? Or, are you relatively independent? More important considerations.

Hope that helps, and again, good luck.

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I'm a bit nervous about coming out with literally everyone I know including family, friends and mainly myself. Its so hard, I have to keep my sexuality a secret. And when I am alone, all I think about is woman and my desires of what I want. Its hard to keep it cool, especially being with my crowd in public and if it was so easy to just walk up to a female and tell her how beautiful she is. And wanting to talk to friends about it. Its frustrating :-(

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I totally understand what you are going through...I knew when I was 21 but I kept this hidden for 10 years before I came out. I came out May 2015 and let me tell you it was the best decision I have ever made. I felt all those things you feel now. My parents are Vietnamese and we have a big community, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, what my family would think, if I would lose friends over it. Let me tell you when I told my parents a month after I came out and friends it was definitely not what I expected they were so supportive and my brother and sister in law cousin's they were amazing and luved me just the same. Your sexual orientation doesn't define the person you are and if they are your true friends they will support you. My parents know how I truly feel and I respect them so much and sometimes it's just time they need to accept what they don't understand. 

I really do hope you consider coming out when you feel like it's best for you not for anyone else. 

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GeriP said:

I'm a bit nervous about coming out with literally everyone I know including family, friends and mainly myself. Its so hard, I have to keep my sexuality a secret. And when I am alone, all I think about is woman and my desires of what I want. Its hard to keep it cool, especially being with my crowd in public and if it was so easy to just walk up to a female and tell her how beautiful she is. And wanting to talk to friends about it. Its frustrating :-(

Same here..I don't know why, but I always tell myself I'll be confident in my sexuality, but whenever confronted with actually doing it irl, I chicken out :((

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