lesbotronic

I only want to meet other women that are REAL!

56 posts in this topic

little bit of background info. i am a pre-op mtf in the middle of the florida panhandle. it is a completely rural county. i could make transitioning and my social life a bit easier in a more accepting area, such as nyc or portland or most anywhere else. why do i stay? easy, i cannot live in a city without an extreme toll on my sanity. every place has its pros and cons. no place is perfect, except maybe within my own mind. it is important to know or at least be willing to ask oneself what price is acceptable. this also goes back to what is "real", "drama", or anything else. what is acceptable for each person and what is unacceptable. knowing the answers to these questions makes finding our goal easier.

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My opinion on this matter would be that I would not like to be approached by, say, a male cyber-posing as a lesbian because he can't get any dates and/or has no friends. I could be mistaken, but wait I already said that's my opinion.

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Personally I believe being "REAL" and therefore having "REALNESS" is subjective simply because reality in itself is as a whole subjective. What is a reality for one is a fantasy to another. That being said I don't believe anyone is truly "REAL" unless they are simply authentic and genuine to themselves. 

For example; Alex is a heterosexual female. All well and good. Right? Except she's not a female at all. He is a transman that is still living a lie. So he's not being true to himself or those around him. He's a homosexual male that's living as a heterosexual female. In this case, Alex isn't real. This person is fake because they aren't living authentically.  

This is a seemingly extreme case but it probably happens way more than one night think. Being REAL is more than about simply being honest. I think these people stating that they are looking for someone real mean they want someone AUTHENTIC. Someone that is up front about who they are and what they want in life with out trying to conform to what others think is best.

This is all supposition on my part. I'd be interested to see who thinks similarly.

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Catfishing is really, really common. Men pretend to be women because they get off on lesbian interactions, or they are women who are using fake pictures. I mean, there's an entire show on MTV about this phenomenon. So when I hear someone say they want to date someone who is "real" I take that to mean someone who is actually is who they say they are.

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On 3/27/2010 at 11:50 AM, angelica said:

Mm, I've a few times seen people on message boards mention bad experiences with dating sites (certain ones being named as specifically bad) in terms of lots of profiles being literally fake; usually, a particular kind of man masquerading as female to fulfil xyz creepy desire - ogle specifically lesbian women, try to strike up lesbian sexychat, even lure someone out into public, whatever. I've not generally got the impression that the people in question were making disgusting references to trans women, but people who identify as men who want to prey on queer women in some sense.

... Other than that, yeah, I'm sure transphobia accounts for a number. And perhaps often "real" as a synonym for "genuine"? Which is still pretty nebulous, but I'd have thought usually lies somewhere in the realm of: no bullshit&lies, no hidden agendas, no power games, no pretensions etc. I'd have thought that most people with any significant relationship history to speak of would've come across at least one aspect of all that at some point (more, certainly, than will have knowingly had any romantic experiences with any trans people - and those that have known anyone trans to any significant degree are, I'm fairly sure, less likely to spew that kind of bigotry anyway), which I'd have thought would go some way to explaining its prevalence.

This might not exactly be related to this question, but the first time I ever joined a lesbian website it was more of a board than a forum.  I started talking to this person about general life issues, nothing specific.  Suddenly one day I got an email that was just outright disgusting and I couldn't even read it all.  I turns out it was a man pretending to be a woman and he really despised lesbians.  This site is the first time since then that I have joined a site more specific to lesbians because of that bad experience.    Sorry the first part of the quote in this message reminded me of that bad experience or so it brought it to mind.

--

I think real might just mean realistic and not some pie in the sky fantasy where your life is all in your head and the person can't really relate to regular people. 

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I think people use term "real" as a sort of magical touchstone, thinking if they repeat it often enough, whatever good individual they have in mind when they say it, she'll appear. It's vague enough to make a good shield against all sorts of unknown others, too, when it comes to rejection: X isn't appropriate for me b/c she isn't "keeping it real", etc. This lets them off the hook from having to be specific about who and they want, like other generic buzz words used in profiles. I don't mean to sound harsh here, but the English language is rich. Google is not difficult to use. Yet most profiles of women on sites I've used have been boringly repetitive and said very little beyond "good, kind, and loves animals."  But they did all want someone REAL.  SNORT.  I, robot indeed!

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