safienwijon

So completely confused about anything flirting related

What would be your ideal way to me someone?   44 members have voted

  1. 1. What would be your ideal way to me someone?

    • They start the flirting with you
      25
    • You start the flirting with them
      3
    • They leave you guessing they're orientation
      0
    • They are immediately guessing your orientation
      0
    • Just a perchance meet and things just evolved with no real effort
      16

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I have had multiple times where I meet a woman and I am just soooo sure that she is flirting with me.... but I can never seem to get b eyond that point. I was doing a "group activity" ( not really going to go into detail about it) and on one of the many breaks a girl who I'd noticed fromt he start and I was and still am 90% sure is gay started a conversation with me. She asked me if I was new to the situation and kinda smiled at me. I either completely misread what her orientation was or completely missed on how to get my orientation noticed without drawing a rainbow on the ground with sidewalk chalk and pointing at it with huge smile. I have a suspicion that I think I'm being flirtatios and I'm doing just the opposite. I've met a lot of people who said that upon meeting me they thought I was a huge "B***H" and it wasn't until they got to know me that they realized I wasn't. My question is what contitutes at flirting in the lesbian nworld? What can I do to know before I make an ass out of mysself to know if the woman I'm and talking to and thinking about showing interest in is even smiling at me and not the guy behind me.  Kinda lost here

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Yep, know what this feels like.  My gaydar is sooo not working :/

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I am a flirt by nature, ... lets play a game... flirt with me!

Just pretend we have just met, what would you say?

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I have this same problem. I have some idea when a woman is flirting with me, but I get unsure and ultimately do nothing about it. If she's straight I'd feel bad freaking her out if I was obviously hitting on her..

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I hit on more straight woman that gay ones... never had one get realy offended. Always start with a smile and eye contact.

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I have the same problem. I suck at gussing orentations and am scared to approach wemon becouse I never know if they are straight or not. I always wear my raindow heart pride necklace and I only really got noticed due to it once and it was just harassment >.< . I've been out of the game five plus years and cant flirt worth a crap nor can I tell when somone is fliriting with me or cheaking me out so I probibly appear to be a prude or snob by accedent a lot of times. I'm going to keep an eye on this topic hopefully we can learn somthing 

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HUMMMM...well I am always clueless as to who is flirting or not...and since I am the hug u all welcoming type..I am sure people get confused as to if I am flirting or not.....I am the one who sees you from across the room, smiles and then gets all shy and looks away......I am truly the dork.....as far as orientation....I am older and can pretty much tell gay from str8....cept the lipsticks.....but I am in to butch/soft butch....and so making a new friend...str8 or gay is always on my radar.....all I know is be yourself....take the chance...you have nothing to lose and if anything a possible friendship....a simple smile makes the heart race.....honesty is rare...and I love the sweetness of the shy honest flirt...you know its happening but its so innocent...you question it.....and I have also found...most str8 women take it as a huge compliment when approached by a lesbian.....jump in and flirt your own way and style.....there are no rules or regulations...why?? Its a natural human response to flirt......even science agree with that.....

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(edited)

I am really good at flirting, who wants to play???

(smiles) ... (head tilted to side--waiting)

would you dance with me?

Edited by Jay T.

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Im completely oblivious, I don't know im being flirted with.. Its sad really

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(edited)

It took me awhile to grasp my flirtation style. It felt confusing that with my man I was always the gentile one but with women I was the one in charge. I like being the girly woman whos man stands up for her and protects her (although he knows damn good and well I don't need it, I just do it because sometimes I like him to be the boss), I find that with women, I almost ALWAYS am in the 'male' role of the flirtations. I wear my red lipstick, looking very feminine with either jeans, boots a white wife beater and a ballcap or my pin up style clothes with lots of shiny things and my hair down, but it seems no matter what I decided to put on that night, I always make the first move, and throw myself into the overprotective male role with a woman. I open doors, I puff up if someone gets in her face, I put my arm around her and guide her around the floor, I pull her down to sit on my lap. Flirting comes easy to me, its more knowing my role that I have an issue with. Luckily, most women don't mind. I like femme women, thick and feminine who can girly up in a dress or butch up in jeans and a cap just like me. So I know what I WANT, I know what I LIKE, and I know how I AM...the hard part for me is deciding if its too much for some women (which would be why they flirt like mad women with me all night but wind up saying goodbye and go home with no number) for me to come across that way. I'm not overly aggressive, and I flirt ALOT...but maybe flipping into the boy role and making the moves a man would usually make pushes them away because it doesn't feel right? I have no clue. Thoughts?

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Edited by RedHeadedAmbition

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flirting is a complete blindspot for me. one pretty much has to hit me over the head with the club for me to realize that they are flirting with me. this is odd, because i can usually read people fairly accurately in most other situations.

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sounds like most of us are clueless LMAO I know I am. My bestie always tells me after the fact that that girl was hittin on ya & I'm like no she wasn't lol it's frustrating

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Yeah I know but when I think that someone is flirting they're just being themselves. Also for some reason I can't find a bi woman to talk to and maybe something more. 

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safienwijon said:

how to get my orientation noticed without drawing a rainbow on the ground with sidewalk chalk and pointing at it with huge smile. I have a suspicion that I think I'm being flirtatios and I'm doing just the opposite. I've met a lot of people who said that upon meeting me they thought I was a huge "B***H" and it wasn't until they got to know me that they realized I wasn't.

 I have this problem, too... Although, I do sometimes attract butch women, I'm attracted to more femme women and typically can't tell, and I've been told that I don't get read as gay... I have 2 kids and I'm divorced, so everyone just assumes that I'm straight... 

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I can relate to these posts, especially since I too was married and have 2 beautiful kids. I'm so unsure about how a flirt will be received, b/c it''s not just a rejection factor, but more about (for me) revealing that I'm very attracted to women and the judgement that might come with that. Do I need to hang out where I might be in similar company? I'm so new to actually seeking out women.

 

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Sara, 

It sounds like you put such high regards to what others might think...therein lay the problem! 

If you can get over what 'they' might think...what would that look like for you? 

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Years later, still very clueless. The only time I have the balls to approah is with a lot of alcohol.

i still don't know who is flirting with me and worry that I'll never get to move forward in life. 

forever alone!

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My question to you safienwijon is: why do feel the need to rely on who's flirting with you? If you find someone interesting just be confident and honest enough to tell them....without the alcohol of course. If a person turns you down, their not for you anyway! Everyone is not meant for everyone! You just have to accept that. That doesn't dictate who you are and what you desire.  

Learning to love yourself is the first step to confidence because you have a bases of who you are and what you can and cannot tolerate. Do some soul searching and start there first...everything else tends to fall in line. Know that you are worthy of healthy relationships because we all are dispite our past experiences at other people hands and thought processes. You were put here in thus earth for a reason... Find out what that is a d flex that inner muscle from there!

hope this helps! 

 

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Thanks for the insight. I AM concerned with what others think & sometimes that's important...& sometimes not. However, I'm not comfortable yet revealing my interest in women to those who I don't know. I feel I was def getting some flirts from someone at work, but since I'm new there, I don't think it's a good idea to let her know I return interest in her until I get a feel for the work place dynamics. And not b/c it's a woman but b/c it's at work. I suppose I feel like I would be walking around declaring my orientation & asking if  are you, too? I don't generally announce myself, Hi, I'm Sara, bi-sexual, mostly interested in women. It's just not me. I'd like to find a community of women who are already interested in women and then begin the conversation. I was hoping to find that here on this site.

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I hear ya loud and clear.  Hope that works out for you here. 

 

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Alright ladies, here goes flirting 101! Just give a woman a compliment ... but not just a simple compliment like "you're pretty." Give a compliment that can easily start a conversation .. OR .. give a compliment that can be followed up with a question. If the lady doesn't have time to talk about HERSELF then she's just not into you .. at least not in that moment. Women love to be told how fabulous they are .. and we relish the opportunity to explain just how we got that way. So while the woman is telling you about the discount that she got which allowed her to get the purse to match, hang on every word and make lots of eye contact. If you can get a smolder going .. that won't hurt. LOL

It just occurred to me that this tactic may not work on women that aren't girlie like me. Ohhh well, if the woman is butch, a simple "hello, my name is" should suffice. I must say, I don't flirt very often. I rarely meet women in everyday life that I want to flirt with... but when I do I flirt my little heart out .. then I find out that she's straight. :(

 

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20 hours ago, Sicca said:

Women love to be told how fabulous they are .. and we relish the opportunity to explain just how we got that way. So while the woman is telling you about the discount that she got which allowed her to get the purse to match, hang on every word and make lots of eye contact. If you can get a smolder going .. that won't hurt. LOL

Love this!  So funny and so often true.  I also love the idea that with the right people and the right timing, you could get a smolder going with almost any topic.

Mmmmmmm . . . discount!  ;)

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