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"Honest Lesbian Personals" (satire)

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Poll: Have you ever experienced a stereotypically dysfunctional lesbian date or relationship? (9 member(s) have cast votes)

Have you ever experienced a stereotypically dysfunctional lesbian date or relationship?

  1. Yes - and let me tell you about it! (4 votes [44.44%])

    Percentage of vote: 44.44%

  2. Yes - no comment (3 votes [33.33%])

    Percentage of vote: 33.33%

  3. No (2 votes [22.22%])

    Percentage of vote: 22.22%

  4. I don't consider sleeping with my ex dysfunctional (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

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  • Members
  • 14 posts
I first signed on to this forum when I was seeking a relationship - turns out I was seeking my mate, though I didn't have a concept for it then. Anyway, I did find her and married her, lucky me. Very lucky me.

When I was seeking, I had various experiences with online dating and got to hear all sorts of stories about dysfunctional lesbian relationships.

I started writing satire personal ads as a way to process the information. Others seemed to find them funny and appreciated the opportunity to laugh about this stuff. I have them collected in one place now and thought I'd share here for entertainment purposes:

Honest Lesbian Personals (satire)

or go straight to list of satire ads: satire personal ads

And I'll paste in the first one I wrote:


Am I looking for you?

I’ve been around the block a time or two and learned what I really want in a woman. Are you her? Or she?

The first thing I love in a woman is her ex. I don’t know why, but there’s something just so irresistible about a woman who can’t get over a previous relationship, but is still looking for love (or … whatever) with someone new. It just piques my interest and, I must admit, kinda turns me on.

My next favorite thing in a woman is game-playing skill. If you can’t play, you won’t win, so bring it on. Let’s mess with each other’s heads and hearts until at least one of us is too exhausted to have sex anymore and you have to sleep on the couch in the dwelling place we reluctantly share!

I also appreciate a woman who doesn’t really know what she wants or why she wants it. Self-awareness is for sissies, and I don’t like sissies (femmes are fine, though).

I’m also looking for a woman who doesn’t know how to communicate directly, or does know how but just doesn’t want to. I relish the thrill of confusion that comes from not knowing what the hell is going on half the time. That confusion is like the spice in the food you cook and leave out for me for two hours as a way to tell me you wish we could start seeing other people, or maybe that you want more sex or are feeling emotionally needy or need more space or.. I don’t know, it’s just hot. Well, the food is cold by now, but the lack of direct communication, that’s just hot.

Speaking of spice, please let me be your therapist! The more unresolvable emotional issues you have, the better as far as I’m concerned. Life would be so boring without issues. Let’s meet and compare favorites.

I’ll be obsessively checking my email after posting this!

Hope this has some entertainment value; I know I have fun writing them.


  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 27 posts
Very funny! and maybe just a wee bit too true!!


  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 16 posts
Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for sharing!


  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 7 posts
These are so funny, and so true!! haha X x

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