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Bisexuality, Why Does Everyone Generalize Their Burns?

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I am having some questions...and confusion really...I only just came out recently I identify as Lesbian. Although I wonder is it really that cut and dry? It's tough because It seems like bisexuals are not taken seriously or heavily avoided by many lesbians simply because at some point in time a "bicurious" individual messed with their heart and left them in the dust. I get that I really do, the last thing anyone wants is to date someone and then have them leave them for someone of another gender right? However....does that necessarily mean that all bisexuals are the same? I feel like its generalizing a personal experience which is entirely unfair and frankly discriminatory. The reason I feel unsure is because frankly when I was young hmm...I suppose it was in middle school..it was very black and white, either you were gay or you were straight there was no middle ground so to speak. And it was at that time that I was beginning to have less than plutonic feelings about women. BUT here is the catch.. I was also having attractions to boys..So I told myself, you can't be gay because you like men too. "you can't be gay if you like men". From that point on, until I came out, that I identified myself as straight solely on the fact that I could be sexually, emotionally, and relationally attracted to men. Because of this, I never allowed myself to act on my feelings towards women. My question to everyone on here is, just because you got burned by a women who was attracted to both men and women does that necessarily mean that all women who have those similar feelings will do the same thing? Would it not be safe to say that its a person by person thing? That perhaps a person who is attracted to both genders simply is just that, they look for the same qualities in a man that they do a woman? In addition to that, is it really that you think they are going to leave you for a man? or is it that you think they will leave you for another person? Couldn't it be equally as possible that a woman could leave a woman for another woman? Isn't it just a personality or monogamy issue and not having to do with orientation at all?

Please tell me what you all think :)


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Very thought provoking post!
I may be completely off base here, but I think people tend to be more leary in general of people who are attracted to multiple genders. My ex explained it to me, very simply, that he had enough problems worrying about me being stolen away by another man, but having to also worry about me being stolen by a woman was just too much. It was really disappointing for me to hear, but I think that it is the case for more than just him.
No one should judge all bisexuals by a few bad eggs any more than you should judge all of any other social group by a few bad eggs. As for people deeming bisexual to be synonymous with bi-curious: I blame the bi-curious people who label themselves as bisexual! They are the misrepresentations here, not us. I have loved men, I have loved women. There was never a time in my life when I felt straight, and I shouldn't be deemed fake because some other people are fake.


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I agree with you Catherine. I think that people tend to take their past experiences to far into their future experiences. But not just women who have been burned by bisexual people. I think that it is healthier to move into a new relationship not thinking about the ex and what she may have done. Many people are very controlling and jealous in a new relationship because they have been cheated on in the past and I just don't think that it is fair to the new relationship. I always tell myself until that person acts in a way to give me reason to not trust them then I shouldn't assume they will act anything like another person you knew. So I say if you are interested in a bi chick and its fun then don't worry about if they are going back to men or not(unless its a preference thing, of course). If you have a connection with somebody and they feel it too they will stick around.


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Don't be hesitant as to how you identify yourself. I had the same problem too. If someone is going to judge you or say you are confused, oh well...really.


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Sexuality is fluid. And sometimes it is hard to tell if you're bisexual or lesbian. I wish people were less judgemental about it.

Jay T.

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It is normal to over lap catigories. we are not sorted into boxes, The idea that someone could 'steal' you away is bull--- faithful honest people can not be 'stolen away' ... the base of all these problem is feeling insecure... (maybe bevause they are not fully honest to start with)


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I am Pansexual (attracted to all genders).

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