Jayne

Too Clingy!

I need my space!

One of the biggest deal-breakers for me is when my partner is too clingy. I'm the type that really needs some space, so having them needing me 24/7, which may be cute at first, can easily become a reason for me to cut ties.

Don't get me wrong, I love to give my little sweetheart some love and affection, but some people just don't understand that even though you're a couple, you're two individual that make up that couple, and giving someone no time alone can quickly turn the relationship sour.

What do you think? A time-needing partner - good or bad?

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Well I wouldn't be too sure about this one because I myself can tend to be just a little clingy. But when others tell me they need their space, I back off just a bit (: I'm very respectful of a girl needing her space ^^

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I find that I'm often clingy; I don't like it when I'm supposed to be with someone and she doesn't message me or say anything in a whole day; I tend to think that maybe she has left me or has gotten hurt or she forgot or something (is that an autistic thing? Always thinking about things happening that probably didn't).
I have abandonment issues (I really don't know why), and don't like being cast aside, which is how it feels with someone just doesn't seem to bother. It's annoying for people, yes, but I don't want to be left by someone once again.

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I've gotten slammed for NOT being jealous enough! This is apparently seen by some women as "lack of interest"...

I need a decent amount of alone-time, but that doesn't = "I don't care or think of you", just that my personality is one where I'm in my own head a lot a tend to lose track of time while I'm there- lol.

RE: "she doesn't message me or say anything in a whole day"... She could have gotten busy (see above^), but on the other hand, there's such a thing as "courtesy".

I, too, would be turned-off by a "truly" clingy, can-never-be-on-her-own, woman.

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Actually, the first time it was because she decided to get away from everything and go into the woods for 24 hours, at least that's what she told me, without even mentioning anything about it beforehand (and this is after I told her about how people would just stop talking to me altogether and she had said that she wouldn't do that).
The next time she said after the fact that it was because she was in bed sick all day. The third time she at least stated ahead of time that she would be in bed sick again, but that's still three times within a week and a half.

I don't like it when someone stops messaging, because I think that they're probably not going to message me again, since that has happened before (many times). My response to that is to apparently get clingy, which sends more people away.

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It almost sounds like your, "supposed to be with someone" means something different to the other person? Or possibly the women sense your need of some sort of commitment & try to offer what they shouldn't (if they aren't really sure)...

I could be wrong (I am, many times) but maybe you two need to have a real heart to heart to define what it is you're both there for?

 

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The 'supposed to be with someone' was more akin to a budding relationship. We've starting talking, we like each other, and perhaps that will lead to being girlfriends, but it hasn't yet led to that. That's what I tried to explain.
Them offering a commitment when they shouldn't... hmm... That is a possibility.
Well it's too late; she has stated that due to the distance (she lives one province over from me, about a 14-15 hour drive) that she doesn't want to talk to me or have me talk to her ever again, and I'm not the sort to take part if this is some sort of game or test ('I'll tell her to leave and see if she'll stick around' sort of a deal).

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I am actually the one that is usually clingy in any sort of relationship. However, I was dating a woman that was really clingy with me and I realized how much I value my alone time. I recently started living on my own so her wanting to come over every weekend was a little draining for me. She also expected me to text/call her everyday and almost all day. I really did care about her, but it was just too much for me. I would ask for a break when she would be too clingy and then there was drama about how I didn't care about her. Later, she would apologize, but still be pretty clingy. The clinginess did decrease once I told her she was too clingy and that I needed my space. I think taking into consideration people's history and life circumstances helps understand why they can be clingy. But if after addressing it with them things don't seem to change it is hard to continue the relationship. 

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Venellian: you dodged a bullet

Lili1632: it was not a good match.

Both of you: only you know what you want in your lives. Don't, "settle" if it's not right.

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