StephS2

Androgyny

I'm a 38 year old gay woman that is often mistaken for a boy. I don't really consider myself butch, but I am maybe unintentionally androgynous. My nephews used male pronouns for me until they were about 4.

I don't particularly mind it when I'm alone, but when it happens when im with my family I get embarrassed for them.

I was just wondering if anyone that deals with this could give me some insight or perspective that might help me not secretly curse and blame myself for looking the way I do. I would Be very grateful and appreciate any input at all.

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I'm dealing with this internal issue myself at the moment, and I can't tell you how many times I've been called embarrassing out in public because of the way I dress. I'm not a girly girl and I dress like a boy. My mom finds it embarrassing but dressing like a boy is more comfortable then dressing like a girl. I personally see nothing wrong with the way I dress and your family shouldn't either. It's you being comfortable and they should accept your choices. And definitely not call you embarrassing. Hope I tried helping to answer your question (:

~ Kaitlyn

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Hey sweetie, look I myself am a fem i put on make up and all that girly stuff and people still put me in the dyke category. I say to you, you do not and should not change who you are or the way you look for anyone. especially ignorant people. God made you in his image and thats all that should matter. Now with the little kids, kids sometimes don't know any better and thats fine you need to teach them but as for everyone let it go, don't sweat it, if your happy being you do you.

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I agree jealene. I know there are a lot of straight women who look like men too.

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I rather embrace my androgyny. I wear make-up, rarely do much with my hair, and love blue jeans like no else. However, I don't feel like any of those preferences makes me fem, or butch. In the same way that none of them make me male, or female. There are days that I do feel like dressing "girly", and I will. And, other days.. I dress comfortable. Most days I dress comfortable. I have never been confused for a man/boy but I've been called dyke a time or two. I just feel like you should be you. If you are girly all the time, be girly all the time. If you like to wear men's clothes, have at it. Cut your hair short, and go stomping through woods with flannel plaid and a brassiere on ( Monty python joke), hell yeah! 

The advice seems to be - just be as comfortable as you can being you. That's all any of us can do. 

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9 hours ago, JadAtHrt said:

The advice seems to be - just be as comfortable as you can being you. That's all any of us can do. 

Summed up quite nicely here. Don't try to conform if it makes you uncomfortable. Androgyny is a broad subject. Everyone does it their own way even if unintentionally. 

There's actually a really good YouTube channel called  PerfectAndrogyny that covers a lot of issues. 

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Because of the way I wear my hair and dress, people call me "sir" and women in the bathroom line tell me where the men's bathroom is. Most of the time, I don't feel embarrassed for myself nor my family when this happens because it doesn't matter if strangers assume I am male or female, or if they think my parents had a son or my siblings have a brother.

I am more embarrassed for the person making the mistake. If I'm in a bathroom line I speak up and say, "Thanks for letting me know." They apologize right away because my voice is a dead giveaway that I'm female. I feel bad for the women because they look like they are so embarrassed. However, in all other areas, I like to stay as silent as possible or deepen my voice in response if I can't find a way to gesture or mouth the words understandably. I'd rather these strangers just go along with their day, ignorant of their mistake.

I am embarrassed for the straight girlfriends I hang out with whom I haven't come out to. I don't want people to think they are gay just because they are with me. They probably don't like being mislabeled.

After writing this response, I have a feeling I have misunderstood the OP somehow.

 

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Fortunately I have found my androgynous appearance a blessing and being tiny only magnifies the persona at age 52 people still try to figure it out and rarely get it right no matter how my hair is worn or my clothes. I am comfortable in my skin my family may get upset when someone miss identifies me but as for me I'm great, God does wonderful work and I'm the product of some of his greatest achievements as are all of us, embrace, enjoy and celebrate your uniquely you qualities and let those with half closed minds and shaded eyes walk into the darkness. Love who you are and how you look because at the end of the day you answer for your creation of acceptance starting with yourself.  

Don't shy away from your own expression of life embrace it totally and everyone that you are around will celebrate you with you 

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I don't think you should have to label yourself in any manner if that's what you aren't into. If you wanna dress girly or dress more masculine, or somewhere in the middle, it shouldn't matter. And I think gender roles are overrated. 

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