Misread Intentions When Flirting?

Hey everyone,

I have a question that's bugging me. After talking to a friend of mine through email, I've seen that people I like misread my intentions when I'm flirting with a girl. I want to make sure that when I flirt with a girl she doesn't misread my intentions as only being friendly. I want to flirt with a girl and I've been practicing but I'm not that great. But I don't want her to misread my intentions as only just being friendly..

Each girl I've talked to has said the same thing "I like you, and I treasure our friendship" or "I don't know when your flirting" lately it's like I've had to yell it out but I don't want to sound like I'm moving to fast..

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I think flirting often carries the risk of confusion. People flirt in different ways, so if you don't already know a person pretty well, you can't be entirely certain that Behavior X = flirting for them.

And a lot of people are naturally flirtatious, and flirt with a lot of people on a regular basis, often without "intention." Or, that the intention is just to enjoy some flirting, not necessarily that they want things to progress beyond that to an actual date and/or more physical contact, etc.

I think if you're talking with someone and you do want things to progress beyond flirting . . . and for whatever reason they seem stalled, you just have to make your intentions known. With your words. The more definitive ones. Ask her out on a date, make it clear that's what it is.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any special magic way to help others understand your intentions other than to be clear with your words. If you don't want things to seem as though they're moving too fast, make the date something low key, just getting to know her better, no pressure for more than that right away. Coffee or tea. Or a walk or something. During the day. Maybe not at your house, maybe only non-alcoholic beverages. Don't lay on the romantic intentions and the candlelight and what have you too thick too quickly, but do ask her out.

I think the trend lately, especially with younger people, is to be super casual about "dating." Like absolutely everyone is just going to get together and "hang out," no one is ever going on an actual date. And that's obviously fine, up to a point.

That point being, if everyone is determined to remain super casual, everyone may also remain confused. Someone eventually has to step up and say something, you know? :)

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Well I'm the type that before I flirt with a girl I get to know her a little. But when it comes down to wanting a relationship with them I'm just scared to ask ^^'

But it normally starts out as "I really like you and have feelings for you" kinda thing. But I only ask after knowing them a bit. Yet I'm always looked at weird or just flat out reflected. It's frustrating.

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Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. If you invest your emotions heavily in "would you like to go on a date?" a rejection could be crushing. Walk into interactions as just interactions with another person. Let things grow more organically and don't try to force definitions. Be in the moment. Flirting will be natural when the groundwork is done and you'll know if it's appropriate or will be reciprocated. If you're still feeling insecure, your flirting won't be assertive and will lose its intent. Rather than saturate your words with emotion, stick with simple facts and "I" statements:

- I enjoy being with you.

- I love to see you smile.

- I feel good when I'm with you.

- I'm happy to spend time with you.

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I have the same issue as you Kaitlyn_elise, I agree that getting to know somebody new with a friendly attittude is the best way to go (or the trendy way to flirt), but at some point you want to make clear that you are flirting, and not looking for a best friend! My first move would be compliments (if possible more sophisticated than "you are very beautiful!", I am working on that...) that make clear that you are interested, but still leave space for getting gently friendzone - well if this has to happen.. I am not the type that would force anyone!

Best of luck!

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