I Need Help

Ok well I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for eight long years and we have had our good times and our bad times but we always found our way back to each other. But the past two years have been really hard. I get no love from her no time or attention. Well to make a long story short she broke up with me in november and said it was because she didnt trust me because of a mistake i had made two years ago. But the funny thing is she has made tons of mistakes and i forgave her. But back to the story, so she breaks up with me but she tells me that she is still in love with me and still wants to be with me and we will work on the relationship but she needs time to get herself together. So even though it hurts i respect her wishes. Well on tuesday i had to rush my daughter to the emergency room because she had a fever and so my girlfriend wanted to come and see her so she came and she kissed me when she left told me she loved me and that she would call me. well the entire time i had this gut feeling that she has been with someone else so i had to ask her she tells me if thats what i think about her than fine. well i kept calling her and she was ignoring me so i went to her house. i find her with this white girl but ass naked and when my girlfriend grabbed me i punched her in her face i didnt mean to but i was caught by surprise. All this time she was telling me she loved me and she still wanted to be with me. I told her that if she didnt want to work things out and she didnt want to be with me than we can be friend but she lied and she kept playing me. Why couldnt she just be honest what was the point of all these lies. I am so mad i dont know what to do with myself. We spent eight years of our lives together damn I at least deserved for her to be honest. help

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I'm sure this wasn't the response you were hoping for, but I'd strongly advise seeking qualified counseling immediately. By "qualified" I mean, some sort of licensed counselor or psychologist experienced with anger management and physical abuse issues.

Yes, her behavior was probably legitimately upsetting to you. And yes, we all need to be in relationships with other people that can and will be honest with us. Dishonesty in any intimate relationship is usually going to be upsetting, understandably so.

But that doesn't excuse the punching, not by a long shot. Physical assault is illegal, as it should be. If someone punched me in the face, I'd press charges, and I'd hope that person subsequently served jail time.

People who physically assault other people always have a "reason" (she did this, she lied about that, she made me too mad on purpose, I was caught by surprise, etc.), but none of those "reasons" actually EXCUSE their behavior, as assault is always wrong.

Assault hardly ever occurs when everything is going well and everyone is in a great mood and everyone is getting along. People who assault or abuse usually do have a "reason" for doing so. Nevertheless, assault within an intimate relationship is still assault, and it's still not acceptable, legally or otherwise.

Have a problem within a relationship? Leave them. Break up with them. Stop talking to them. Tell them how badly they suck, and toss their ass the fuck out of your life entirely. But punch them in the face? No. Totally unacceptable.

Punching them in the face is on YOU, not them. That was YOUR loss of control. And that is and remains YOUR problem.

And that's the problem that YOU need to work on. You need to work on getting yourself a lot better before you concern yourself again with repairing this or starting any other serious relationship.

I have a feeling that if we get a response from the author about this, that it will be along the lines of more "reasons" why, like . . . "but I should have said she also did this, and this too, and the other thing, and these are some more reasons why I was totally stressed and it was all really actually OK that I did what I did."

It still wasn't.

And meanwhile, I think you need to focus on YOU rather than her right now.

She did what she did. You did what you did. It happened. Those parts are over already.

But for the future, what are YOU going to do to make sure YOU don't repeat anything like this ever again? That's the part that's under YOUR control, and that's what YOU could fix.

I think encouraging you to figure that out with professional counseling is the best help anyone could provide.

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I Have to agree with LB, you need to forget was has transpired & seek professional help. if she thought nothing of being with someone other than you, she did not care about how others see herself. 

Your response to what she did was wrong & I suspect you have some issues you need to work on regarding personal relationships. Love is difficult at best & when we are let down it can be very difficult to understand why.

Please try to look at what you were expecting from this person. did you miss any clues that may have been given by them that they were having trouble relating to you?

Lastly just put it behind you & move on to the next mission whatever that is.

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Seeking professional help is the best thing you can do.violence is never excusable except for protection. I, finally! Permenently ended a relationship that was abusive in many ways. And she didnt see anything wrong with cheating on me either. Arguing is one thing but she would turn violent. Break things, attack me....  The last episode she attacked me ,broke things tryed to break the door off my wood stove( which is my main source of heat)  She ended up grabbing my phone when I ran over to it to phone 911 , grabbed my tablet and left. Then she phoned the cops and sayed that I assulted her. Shes not very bright . There was a wittness. She could get up to 5 years for purgery in court..........Once there is violence,there will  always   be violence.And it only gets worse. Unless you are taught to handle anger differently. And  hopefully to difuse it altogether

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