Jay T.

What Are Your "deal Breakers"

32 posts in this topic

I always ask what a womans deal breakers are. So many will go on and on about what they want, 'I just want someone to love me." or "I want someone to hold and cuddle with." etc...

What are your -- "Oh hell NO!" ... "Not even gonna happen!" ... "Forget that shit!" ???

What will shut it down right now ... for you?

Do you even bother to think about it?

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

I have a thing I call a small application that first must be met.....must have transportation, occupation and habitation......then deal breakers are liars, cheaters, game players........then I have the needy clingy clause.....hate when those twins show up......but common sense really...be a good hearted person with some intelligence and humor.....know what you want and need from your partner......and be assertive with it.......

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

(edited)

some of mine are chemical use/dependancy.. screamer/yelling at children or animals... not honest and upfront... I keep thinking that I will get all my points written down and have a printed list to hand out...LOL ...

but most of the time I dish out some of my baggage points

and the 'I am super interested in you' .. woman runs for the hills!!!

I just shake my head and wonder.

I think my #1 is she has to want to live out in the country like I do.

Solar and wind power, wood heat, animals...

cold in the winter, hot in the summer.

That crosses me off many a list...

Edited by Jay T.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

Deal breakers kind of elicit a knee-jerk "hell no" response and for good reason. They offend us so deeply into our cores, that they just scream out. However, how many times have we ignored such reactions because we just know that this time is different? I know I have done it, much to my regret later, but such is the way of things.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

A big deal breaker for me has always been people that are fake (personality wise), people with thin skin, and people with no sense of humor. I can overlook a lot of things but those three will make turn around and spin the wheel again.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

If she thinks Fox "News" is gospel!

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

On June 12, 2013 at 0:04 AM, Rammy Lynn said:

If she thinks Fox "News" is gospel!

 

This is hysterical, and oh so very, very true. We should add this to some future poll. :)

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you. I find it a very useful tool for weeding the garden, so to speak.

Share this post


Link to post

I can't take cigarette smoke. If a friend or acquaintance smokes, there's nothing I can do about that outside asking them to go somewhere ele or I go somewhere else. But I can't date a girl who smokes cigarettes. That's just a source of tension for me..

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

If I'm sitting at my favorite slot machine on my "alone time" night out and she sends me a text, asking me if I can get her a burger before the drivethru closes.

Share this post


Link to post

flip flops (i hate them; those are public pool shoes - i don't care if they're made out of leather, they're tacky.)
certain phrases make me cringe: "I'm just sayin" (yeah, i heard you say it; it's the fact that you said it that is offensive - pointing out that you've just said it doesn't make it less so), "That's deep" (that's shallow and now i feel like i can't relate to you); "I hate drama" (the motto of people who cause drama); "literally" used figuratively; "Your argument is invalid" used to describe an argument that is valid but unsound; describing those who are either skeptical or agnostic regarding Climate Change/Global Warming as "flat Earthers" and the like. the moment you start vilifying those who question whether empirical evidence truly supports a hypothesis, you are no longer practicing science - you are practicing dogma (the irony of which is ridiculous.)

women who speak harshly of or to animals or children.

bisexuality, open-relationships, pansexuality (stay out of my kitchen)

callousness, cruelty, nastiness

golf

khaki pants or shorts

drug use

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

For me it's poor personal hygiene! You could be the most beautiful girl in the world but I just can't stick the smell that just wafts from you! I'm not talking about the occasional smell from the pits after a hot day, I'm talking about just that pure dirty smell that smells like you haven't seen a shower in at least a year :*

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

For me the main thing I cannot tolerate is ignorance. Not the ignorance born from never encountering a certain topic before but willful ignorance where the person has had the opportunity to learn and better themselves and the community but chooses not to. That's not okay with me. I know I'm not perfect but I still make an effort to improve myself.  Aside from that people who can't respect the limits of others and try to break those limits without the required consent and trust are just as bad as those willfully ignorant people. They won't be getting any of my time.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

For me the deal breakers generally have emerged from WILLFUL IGNORANCE. I ended a friendship of several years duration over that (former) friend's continued use of the term "jew you down", despite being informed by me (who is Jewish) that said term is offensive. I could see using it if one didn't realize it were a slur. But she informed me that she "found it a useful phrase, didn't think it was a big deal, so was going to continue to use it." That was it for me. Friendship terminated. (Just to be clear about this: the first time she used the phrase, I gave her a detailed history and explanation of exactly WHY it is offensive. She's uneducated and from an area of the country where there aren't many Jews. So I figured a little background was necessary.)

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

With the internet around people could learn anything that they might want to (in a more general sense) so technically them not knowing nearly anything could be, or would be, willful ignorance. Where does that line get crossed?

For myself? I can't stand smoke. That's the big one, since I prefer to be able to breathe.

What's wrong with a person being bi or pansexual/panromantic? As long as they're loyal there shouldn't be a problem. I do share a problem with poly people, because I'm selfish and want to be someone's one and only as opposed to just another interest or fling for them.

Share this post


Link to post

2 minutes ago, Venellian said:

What's wrong with a person being bi or pansexual/panromantic? As long as they're loyal there shouldn't be a problem. I do share a problem with poly people, because I'm selfish and want to be someone's one and only as opposed to just another interest or fling for them.

I'm assuming you were asking me? Nothing is wrong with bisexuality (I don't believe in pansexuality); just not what I'm into. I've learned that having a partner that understands and shares my experience (as a woman, as a lesbian, and in particular other areas) is important to me. The bisexual experience is not the same as the lesbian experience. I don't expect the world at large to understand me; but I do need that in a partner. And I don't have a problem with people that aren't into monogamy, but I am strictly monogamous, so that's a "deal-breaker".

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

How does a person not believe in pansexuality? You think that everyone in the world falls neatly into two categories? That there are no hermaphrodites or at least that people could be attracted to them?

As for the poly: I still say that I'm selfish, at least in some regards.

Share this post


Link to post

Um, well, I made a serious study of both genetics and human development and an even more serious study of formal logic; so yes, I understand that everyone is either male or female, depending upon brain development. Everyone, including intersex people, transgendered people and people who otherwise do not meet the antiquated cookie-cutter gender stereotypes are still either male or female. So, someone who finds trans-men attractive finds men attractive, because trans-men are men (the same is true regarding trans-women - they are women). Someone who finds both transgendered men and transgendered women attractive is, therefore bisexual. The same applies to intersex or hermaphroditic people, who still either have male or female brain development. They aren't some third, fourth, or fifth gender; and I won't go along with treating them like gender outsiders that just don't belong because that's the new trend. Masculinity and femininity are much more diverse than nuclear fifties ideas of gender.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

My deal breakers are.....
someone who gets bored very easily, who needs someone else to entertain them, for them. 
no motivation, nothing to make them excited for the future
somebody who is afraid of challenges and will do anything to avoid them
this one thing where....ugh, I really really don't like this and it's kind of small but...for example, when you're cleaning the house and they see you cleaning but they just stay sitting down or laying down and be on their phone without offering to help you out.....a.k.a laziness.
emotionally unstable to the extent where they need constant reassurance from you about almost anything, this can drain a person :( 
someone who is easily impatient. 
 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

When I think of deal breakers, I assume that there is a potential "deal" on the table that is automatically taken off the table if I find out that someone is: seeing someone, recently out of a relationship, poly, mean spirited, a cigarette smoker, dishonest, not tolerant of religion or identifies as bisexual.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

Many of my decisions stem from preparing for the long-term future. That means I max out my Roth IRA every year, for example, at the cost of resisting the temptation of luxuries and toys.

Thus, one deal breaker for me is a person who is so impulsive or lavish as to be fiscally irresponsible and as a result, more than rarely, find themself to be financially dependant on others.

Share this post


Link to post

Dani28 said:

Um, well, I made a serious study of both genetics and human development and an even more serious study of formal logic; so yes, I understand that everyone is either male or female, depending upon brain development. Everyone, including intersex people, transgendered people and people who otherwise do not meet the antiquated cookie-cutter gender stereotypes are still either male or female. So, someone who finds trans-men attractive finds men attractive, because trans-men are men (the same is true regarding trans-women - they are women). Someone who finds both transgendered men and transgendered women attractive is, therefore bisexual. The same applies to intersex or hermaphroditic people, who still either have male or female brain development. They aren't some third, fourth, or fifth gender; and I won't go along with treating them like gender outsiders that just don't belong because that's the new trend. Masculinity and femininity are much more diverse than nuclear fifties ideas of gender.

Thank you for clearing up my gender confusion! Here I thought I was nonbinary (neutrois) but now I see that I CAN"T be, that I must be either male or female! What a relief to have my brief blip of trendiness erased by  an expert! I can reference studies that say the brain ISN'T gendered, if that is what you are basing your claim that everyone is caregorically male or female upon. And while the one's sex IS biologically determined, the gender is socially and psychologically defined, and thus subject to change and evolution. We CAN move beyond the cultural imposition of binary. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

keltheimpossible said:

Thank you for clearing up my gender confusion! Here I thought I was nonbinary (neutrois) but now I see that I CAN"T be, that I must be either male or female! What a relief to have my brief blip of trendiness erased by  an expert! I can reference studies that say the brain ISN'T gendered, if that is what you are basing your claim that everyone is caregorically male or female upon. And while the one's sex IS biologically determined, the gender is socially and psychologically defined, and thus subject to change and evolution. We CAN move beyond the cultural imposition of binary. 

Wasn't basing my opinion on studies; was basing it on chromosomes and personal experience. If you think I'm wrong, why do you care? What does it matter if I don't validate your self-perception? I'm just a stranger on the internet.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

Mine is people who brag about having unprotected sex/ can see if somebody has a std just from their face (which of course actually means their social class/race/fashion sense/ect. Honestly fuck you).

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

Dani28 said:

Um, well, I made a serious study of both genetics and human development and an even more serious study of formal logic; so yes, I understand that everyone is either male or female, depending upon brain development. Everyone, including intersex people, transgendered people and people who otherwise do not meet the antiquated cookie-cutter gender stereotypes are still either male or female. So, someone who finds trans-men attractive finds men attractive, because trans-men are men (the same is true regarding trans-women - they are women). Someone who finds both transgendered men and transgendered women attractive is, therefore bisexual. The same applies to intersex or hermaphroditic people, who still either have male or female brain development. They aren't some third, fourth, or fifth gender; and I won't go along with treating them like gender outsiders that just don't belong because that's the new trend. Masculinity and femininity are much more diverse than nuclear fifties ideas of gender.

As a Transgendered person most people I would say will be surprised that I'm actually agreeing With Dani,

I was born male, raised as male, body wise I am male, I still have a c*ck, brain wise I feel female, my brain feels that the body or Shell as I refer to it needs modifying to work right.

And in a weird way being called Trans is simply a term to say your transferring the (Engine aka Brain) from one chassy to another chassy.

My brain is female and body male,

And it has always drove me crazy when I heard trans people say I'm bi when dressed!!!

Or men say I'm straight because I'm f*cking a trans woman, no you're at best bi sexual because that trans woman still got a c*ck once clothes come off.

I wish more women thought like Dani, be a much simpler world for us trans people to live in.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now