Isha

Admitting That I Am Indeed A Lesbian

I discovered I was bisexual when I was 15 with my first sexual experience with a female. I labeled it bisexual as I was compelled to follow the mold of "girl meets boy, girl and boy fall in love" or to at least keep that road open. The failing of each of my relationships and affairs with mostly men and a handful of women guided me to see myself in a raw and personal way. It led me to discovery of the orgasm, and the fact that I didn't need or want a man present to make that happen. I realized how easily I fooled myself into falling in love with men by trying to be "normal." I thought that I couldn't be attractive or happy without the attention of a man. I hid behind bisexuality because being gay was uncharted territory for me. I knew how it was supposed to go between a man and woman based on disney movies, barbie dolls, all that stuff. But for the short time I had barbie dolls, I enjoyed pairing up the women. It was always more exciting than barbie and ken.

So now I'm in the process of exiting the closet. I suppose I was halfway out when I came out bi, so now I'm just shutting the door...? I'm enjoying this feeling of liberation privately so that I'm fully used to this identity by the time I tell my friends and family. Outfest is coming up next month in Philly, so that seems like the perfect opportunity to celebrate being gay. I've struggled with my sexuality for a very long time. I wanted to please others so much that I forgot how to please myself. Now that I'm settled into my own skin, I see the world in a better, clearer way. My days are brighter, my mood is very good, I'm optimistic, and I'm so proud to be a woman.

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That was a very reflective post. Congratulations on being who you are and realizing your happiness is more important than pleasing others.

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We had a similar story. It is very hard and finally coming to terms with life. Being happy with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself.

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I think I'm living that story right now. I can identify. I'm glad you found your way through!  go you!

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Thanks for the encouraging words!!

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You've inspired me to vent. I'm so glad you shared I'm not even sure what description fits me best. I undeniably like women but have never had a space to express it. I have had amorous relationships with men and enjoyed them for a time then they just fizzle out. This year I thought maybe I should focus on myself. Sounds like something people do all the time but I haven't been so hopefully it helps me decide whether I should even label myself at all.

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I came out at 21 after a failed marriage to a man.  I knew when I married him that I was a lesbian but I was still trying to mold myself into that female model that society wanted me to be.  When I first came out I was feminine because that is what I knew and butch was a huge leap.  I eventually lept and I have been comfortable in my own skin for over 17 years.  I have learned who I am and I am still learning.  Thats what we do we change and grow.  Thats what you are doing changing growing learning who you are.  Good luck and have fun, thats the main thing.

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Thanks for sharing, I understand what you're going through. I'm going through something very similar, and I've just stopped trying to put a label on myself for now. I'm going with what I feel which is a very strong pull towards women. I'm glad you feel happier!

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I learned a long time ago, that labels can do more harm than good. Especially in todays society, there is so much in the media about being gender fluid, bi, pan, trans, etc. Just find your place and BE. I know it's a scary thing, this "coming out". I did it many moons ago and wondered if I would ever find my place. But as you explore all the roads ahead of you, it gets easier and your confidence grows and eventually, you find yourself. Happiness and contentment surround you. No lie, there will be ups and downs, loves and goodbyes, questions and fears, but press on. It is a wonderful journey.

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I definitely needed to read this post right at this moment. I'm currently in a mini life limbo of knowing I've sheltered myself for ten years under being Pansexual to not admit to myself that I storngky prefer women. Mainly that has been due to societal pressures and the fears I have of my own families judgement. I've realized right in this moment, right before finding your post by happen-chance, that its better to be comfortable and happy, than uncomfortable and constantly confused and questioning self. It brings a long a string if insecurities to not just say, I'm gay. I would love to make another woman happy. So thank you for your post! And I'm so glad you're becoming more comfortable in yourself :)

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I've had similar struggles with trying to make other people happy 

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I almost went the opposite. I came out at 13, but then, in my 20s, I returned to the church and fell under "Man and Woman Forever" model. Happily, at 28 now, I completely and utterly accept myself as a woman loving lesbian. :)

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I think this expectation of a woman needing to be attracted to men is due to our internalized mysogynistic society. We're told from a young age that our main goal is to find a man and live happily ever after. And even when coming out as lesbian, many people don't take it seriously. When a boy comes out as gay, it usually goes unquestioned, but when a women comes out, it's nothing but questioned. She hears things like "you're too young to know" "if you've never been with a man then how do you know?" "you've dated men before, maybe you're just curious" "you don't look/act like a lesbian, are you sure?" and the list goes on. Why is it that I'm expected to prove my gayness to other people for them to accept me as what I am? Why is it that when I turn a man down because I'm gay, he takes it as a challenge and feels the need to try and persuade me otherwise? This is a story well known by many lesbians but not as well known for gay men. That's why it takes so much longer for gay women to come out. There are all of these outside pressures to try and stick us back into these roles that our society has given us. This is not to say that gay women are the only ones experiencing these things, just that we are more likely to experience it.

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