I am coming back to life after a long romance with a heartless soulmate. I have been single for three years yet I have been on a roller coaster with my ex-gf who likes to fancy herself as being the Goddess's gift to whomever looks at her--Naricissa herself.
So, I am non-plussed about being with another femme, and not really excited about being with a butch either these days as opposed to my youth. I honestly do not know how I am going to know how I will find anyone attractive.
I mean, at least I can say that when I was young, short hair and a hot ass with gym shorts was a good start. I never thought I would be attracted to femme women. They kind of snuck up on me over time. But I cannot fathom going shopping for clothes and jewelry and watching another women take hours of my time in front of the mirror again.
It is like I died and came back as another person. I am not who I was and I am not sure who I will become.
I do know this: every partner that I have had has been highly psychically attractive and attracted to me. I have never had a partner who does not share dreams, have dreams and intuitions about our relationship. I would not want to call my soulmates witches, maybe more like sorceresses who want to be treated like goddesses.
The real issue is this: I do not want to be controlled nor control a partner. Sometimes, it is necessary; fine, I love that when it is needed. But I am not into slavery and total control. I clock games. When games begin without warning, I am taking notes, observing and may even call a timeout or endgame. I have lost all patience for unawareness, unconscious emotional drama, and subliminal messages.
I think I need to learn about who I am and meet other women who have already crossed the bridge between accepting major changes in selfhood and glean the wisdom from the maturity process of having been there and done that and moving to another level of being.
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