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Jedhi

Near Death Experiencer

I believe all religions have a basis to exist. My own personal experience comes from several car accidents and surgeries. I affiliate with other people who have died and come back--some who have been studied by medical doctors and scientists and were clinically dead and others who have had the experiences, some who have written books about it.

In my experience, I was shown all the things--all the memories of everything I ever did wrong which affected another person. That was intense. I felt guilty for about 2-3 years. Then I had to make that up by being in a lot of relationships with wounded women who needed a soulmate who could listen and be there. That was painful.

I had two soulmates whose mothers died at a young age--both mothers died before they graduated high school. I had a few partners who had major rape issues. I have one soulmate, not girlfriend but someone I loved very much as was spiritually bonded, commit suicide.

I could go into details but that is a trilogy. Reasons why they are part of my spirituality is based on the Angels who showed me how to deal with my relationships. Each major relationship had spirit guides. One of them, the deceased mother showed up visually to me the first time I slept with a woman who became my partner. I did not know her mother was deceased. Another deceased mother came to me when I was considering dating a woman. I mentioned my dream to her. I did not know what it meant. She said, "That is my mother." I knew nothing about her before that. I had one partner who's great grandfather came to me. He was killed in Aushwitz. She was Polish and he was in Poland helping Jews. The Nazis arrested him and he died in Aushwitz. I did not know. I told her the entire scene and she told me it was her grandfather. I could keep going.

I do believe in a God like Omniscience. I do not believe in a Creator or Maker per se. I do believe that all life forms and even non-organic forms are created by an Omnisicient presence/intelligence.

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My n.d.e.happened when I was 23 and totally un- self aware. I had come from a sexually abused childhood, and latched onto the first guy to remove me from that. Sex with him was emotionally traumatic. I did it because it was expected. He had no idea. I was the perfect  chameleon, having learned to please early. I had no idea I  was a lesbian. I had never met or known anyone who was gay until I  was in my 40s and many male yuck experiences later. 

That said, at 23 I  had a ruptured tubal pregnancy. I nearly bled out. I  was very good at leaving my body during trauma. such pain I never knew existed and was talking to myself in my head and saying I was going over there til this was over. I sat up in myself and was separating when I was told " You no go over there, you die" I answered that I didn't  care, it hurt too much. I was pushed back into my body. I could hear the next.  It was beautiful and I knew not to be afraid. However, I was still conscious and seeing the anesthesia mask coming and there was nothing else. It was a few years before I put together what had happened .  I  spoke to my Guide in the role of physical protector.  I  no longer  fear death. Dying sucks and I'm not looking experience it anytime soon , but I  no longer fear the next.

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