Jedhi

Emotional Manipulators

I guess in the distant past, this might have been referred to as Drama Queens. But in my more recent long term relationship, I discovered that even beyond the drama, even after years of processing deep core issues with my partner, I have discovered that at the tail end, it is still all about her.

For years and years, I could not figure out how we could talk and talk and talk about the deep core issues and she could not get over what some people might view as somewhat trivial material. It was as-if she could not move on from the small stuff. We broke up, me thinking that she could eventually heal herself by living alone, and we remained friends. However, she wanted to maintain and intimate relationship but with no strings attatched.

Three years later, after all has been said and done, sleeping with her, not dating anyone else, I am concluding that she does not care that I am single, that she calls me up to sleep with me, that she wants me to help her financially, that she can do and say what she wants and I am just supposed to process it with her. Please do not think I am merely accomodating. I put my foot down and a hundred things but every once in awhile, she would get into a pinch and I would help her. She got herself fired from her job of three years because of her manipulative behaviors. She has lost friends. I thought she would wake up and get the point.

We have gone in circles. I read material on Narcissism which fits her perfectly. She read it too. That was three years ago. I have told her that I was sad to think that she might be psychotic or have multiple personalities. I mean, I have taken that woman down to the mat and really helf her accountable for all of her emotional manipulations. I know I am the best friend she has ever had because she is so good at being manipulative that she either gets away with it or it takes some time for new friends to run away. I really felt that her trust in me would help her to clarify that she needed to make changes in herself.

I have to say this because it is so funny. So, I was over at her apartment a month ago. She wanted me to watch a netflix series that is a reality tv show about this wealthy woman and her daughters. I do not have tv so I cannot recall their names but I know that they are famous for this show. I had never seen it before. Oh, yeah, Cardashians. So... we are watching the show and she tells me, "If my mom and dad not get divorced, me and my sister would be like the Cardashians..." She grew up in Europe where there is a cultural difference.

Basically, she went on to explain to me that she wants to move to L.A. so she can learn how to cut her teeth with the wealthy and elite and then go back to New York where she was living before she met me.

She has said the most craziest things like that and I cannot belive that she is even thinking these thoughts. I have never met someone so Narcissasistic in my life. One would think that I am crazy for being with her. On one hand, she seems to have a heart. On the other, there is no heart.

Having gone to my wits end with this woman, I am leaving 8 years of monogamous emotional manipulation behind me. All the tears are behind me. I already processed the Verbal Abuse that came with all of her emotional control games. I wish I was younger so I could be this wise and be forewarned. Hindsight is... all that.

Now, I am so armed with awareness of games of so many sorts that I am not sure how I am going to be attracted to anyone. The emotional manipulations that I have been through have really tested my metal but I am also finally done with any type of emotional drama whatsoever. I do not know how I am going to have any compassion for anyone else. Things happen in life. People have died in my family and friends have loved ones passing through old age and health issues too. I guess, I am going to have to learn to weigh out the emotional issues at hand before I allow myself to feel empathic.

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I know this has nothing to do with the topic at hand but since you mentioned the fact that she may have had multiple personalities or something, it was clear that people still have this notion that people with MP are like Sybil or what they see in the movies.  In some cases, that is true, but I have met several people with MP and they only dissociate or change personalities, when they are triggered by an action, a sound or, in some cases a smell that takes them back to the time when they were being abused.  I am so sorry to hijack your topic but it is just offensive to here someone use the term in such a stereotypical way.

I think that it is sad that people have such negative connotations with the term 'multiple personalities '.  In a lot of cases, a person develops multiple personalities due to the fact that they are being severely abused in some way and the alters or other selves are created as a coping mechanis.  Without these alters, the person must endure the abuse and may turn to suicide or hurting others as a way to cope, but something has to give.

I know this because I have Dissociative Identity Disorder aka Multiple Personalities due to many years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse beginning at a very early age.  My mind chose to create these alters to be there while the abuse was taking place and at 38, I just started going to therapy to deal with my issues because I noticed that I was 'losing time'.

There were hours or in one case a day that I have absolutely no recollection of what happened.  It turns out, when I was losing time, I was actually dissociating and an alter was taking over, doing normal activities and such.

 

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@Anyaloc I'm so sorry that you've had to endure that. Keep your head up. May the road rise to meet you.

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Thank you Dani.  I am very happy with who I am.  My past may be dark but it has made me who I am. I believe, even as dark as it may have been, everything happens for a reason.  I am a good person and a good mother - that makes me extremely happy.  I am not asking for sympathy here, I just wanted to dispel the belief that everyone with MP is a crazy loon that you can't count on who they might be at any given moment.  Due to therapy, I am a very, well put together person.  

My relationship with my ex ended, not because of my mental disorder, we knew each other for a year prior to dating and she was well aware of that situation and she was extremely supportive - that's just how she is.  We are still best friends, to this day.  I think all stereotypes are wrong.

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