ch0co9

Interracial Dating Revamp

New to the site and would like to continue the topic of interracial dating. Personally, I have dated two people who were multiracial and one person who was black. In terms of casual dating, all were white and one was Asian. As you can see, I do not discriminate. Lol.

I would like to pose a question, how do women of color overcome the fear of being fetishized? And should you keep tabs on the words, actions, and microaggressions your lover/partner may use? (Sadly,) I'm often surprised when someone outside of my race, especially white women, find me attractive. But more so, I'm often appalled by the way some black women refuse to date outside of their race. The black woman I dated often talked about how she did not like the appearance of white women and it was sickening. (One of the reasons why we broke up, go figure.) So tangent aside, how do we ensure that women of color and those attracted to them, create a safe and trusting environment that shows them "Hey, you're more than your color."? Is it even possible?

Drop some knowledge and share your opinion.

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Hey I'm Liz! Well I'm mixed with black and white. I personally have never dated anyone outside of the black race, and I think that's because they're more of what I'm attracted to. Now with that being said, I would jump at the chance to date another race. Try something new maybe? As far as words that our partners use, I've experienced a few such as "it's because you're white". In reference to things I like to do or the way I react to certain things. I question too..is it possible to see outside of color? Do you feel as though you're attracted to a certain race? 

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Is it already considered interracial dating when dating someone like me?

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I would say it because I sort of understand because I'm Latin American. 

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Ive found that my experience of being around as many cultures as I have, ive seen the beauty that has no common denominator.  can actually say that it is the woman That I'm attracted too, her color or race only factors in as a flavor or a style for me. Women are such enchanting creatures all by themselves. . .

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ch0co9 said:

I would like to pose a question, how do women of color overcome the fear of being fetishized? And should you keep tabs on the words, actions, and microaggressions your lover/partner may use? (Sadly,) I'm often surprised when someone outside of my race, especially white women, find me attractive. But more so, I'm often appalled by the way some black women refuse to date outside of their race. The black woman I dated often talked about how she did not like the appearance of white women and it was sickening. (One of the reasons why we broke up, go figure.) So tangent aside, how do we ensure that women of color and those attracted to them, create a safe and trusting environment that shows them "Hey, you're more than your color."? Is it even possible?

 

You ask a lot of questions and raise a lot of issues, lol.

I would actually prefer not to date a white woman, just based on various life experiences and knowing myself, but I have also realized it's not realistic as a lesbian of color to say you will absolutely not consider a white woman. For me, it's not really about "color." I don't think it is for a lot of people of color who prefer to date within their race. Many have valid reasons. It's just an individual thing. I'm definitely more attracted to women of color, though, physically.

I do have a lot of these issues mentioned, though, i.e. a fear of being fetishized, analyzing racial awareness or looking for signs of racism, not really trusting it when a white person (whether male or female) shows interest. I think on the latter issue, i.e. whites showing interest, I wouldn't question it as much if I thought I were physically attractive. I don't question it with black men because I know many black men think any light-skinned or mixed black woman is attractive, lol. Still, I don't think I'm good-looking, not because of race but just never have even as a child, and I don't think I'm getting undeserved brownie points for my skin color and whatever "white features" I have from other people aside from black men, lol. And with white women, I'd still have to worry if they just have a fetish, are looking for the sexual experiment or expect me to be a certain way because of my race. For me, it'd take at least one good, genuine experience with a white woman romantically to overcome that, but it hasn't happened. Thinking back, I feel there have been times a white woman was trying to flirt or show interest, and it just didn't register so I ignored it, lol.

Also, creating a safe environment depends on the environment you're talking about--this site? Society? Lesbian organizations or clubs/bars?

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Lizz30 said:

Is it already considered interracial dating when dating someone like me?

I've seen a lot of mixed people say it's all interracial for them, lol. If I were dating a black woman, I'd consider it same-race. But I also consider myself black more so than mixed. 

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Ren85 said:

I've seen a lot of mixed people say it's all interracial for them, lol. If I were dating a black woman, I'd consider it same-race. But I also consider myself black more so than mixed. 

I've never really looked at it that way! I was raised by my black family so it kind of throws me off when people say "oh it's because you're white". I've even had people introduce me as their white friend lol 

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Well even though race in and of it self is actually just a social construct, not scientifically really a thing, I think that cultural differences are very real. I would say that anytime you date someone outside of your cultural paradigm this could be called dating inter-culturally, which in my experience makes more sense than holding on to old racial ideals. I mean, the first time i come across a brown person who doesn't share my individual culture but we are the same shade . . . what are we, two different kinds of brown?!? that's just too much for me, it seems much too restrictive and incapable of the edification that individuality actually deserves. We should celebrate variety.

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