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keltheimpossible

The Date From Hades

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keltheimpossible

This was the ultimate "first date from Hades" and occurred several years ago. I met this woman on another dating site, We did the intro thing, talked on the phone, and then she invited me for an afternoon out at "her place at the lake". Please note the quotation marks. She seemed normal enough, I had my cell phone, I knew where we going, so I thought, "why not?" She picks me up and on the way over there proceeds to want to hold my hand. Umm, no. This is a get-to-know-you date. I don't like to be touched by anyone. (Yet another reason my doc thinks I might be undiagnosed Aspie.) We get to her place and-surprise-it's not anywhere near the lake. She's been bragging about how nice it is the entire way there. Ahem. It's a older model trailer (singlewide) with purple shag carpeting on a scrubby piece of woody property. Once we arrive, for fun she takes me 4-wheeling. I consent to this to be polite, grit my teeth, and endeavour to enjoy myself. Just so you know, my idea of camping is Holiday Inn. I'm NOT an outdoorsy type. Finally we return to the trailer, where her dog then tries to bite me. By this time I'm wondering what bad karma I'm working out...

There was no second date, though she asked. We were just  not compatible. She had never read one book. Literally. She told me that. How do you get through high school without reading at least ONE book? I ask you!

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Geekomatic

Wow! Why in the world would she say she lives on a lake & then invite you there?? And you're brave- I don't think I'd get in someone else's car who I don't really know...(too many loony drivers out there).

The dog did you a favor--- helping you dodge that bullet.

Yikes.

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keltheimpossible

Yes. My new policy is now meet in a public place first and talk. I want to be able to walk away, should things go pear shaped. 

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Geekomatic

It's best, any way. Because you cannot know the person's state of mind, you do have to protect yourself as much as possible.

Sorry you had that terrible experience.

Too bad we can't meet for a cuppa...

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keltheimpossible

Yes, too bad indeed! We even have a tea parlor in town that actually serves decent tea and scones with real clotted cream! We could meet there...except you're in Ozzieland, lol. 

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Geekomatic

Yep, can't get much further south w/o bumping shoulders with a penguin  ;)

You never know, I may yet get to EU for a bit of back-packing...the teahouse sounds charming.

:)

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Sicca

Hey Kel,

I've never been on any dates from hell but I've been on a few dates recently where people put really old pictures of themselves online and looked totally different in person. That's very disappointing because the person just comes across as a liar. The last two first dates that I've been on were with people who weighed about 30 lbs more than their pictures showed. One girl said that she was vegetarian and was forced to eat meat while on vacation. The other said that she had an allergic reaction to something and was swollen. I never brought it up, they just volunteered this information to explain their appearance. I don't get it. Yes, a person's personality is so much more important than the exterior but do people actually believe that someone would continue to date them when they look nothing like their pics?

How do women react when they find out that you do not like to be touched? Women are very touchy feely.

keltheimpossible said:

This was the ultimate "first date from Hades" and occurred several years ago. I met this woman on another dating site, We did the intro thing, talked on the phone, and then she invited me for an afternoon out at "her place at the lake". Please note the quotation marks. She seemed normal enough, I had my cell phone, I knew where we going, so I thought, "why not?" She picks me up and on the way over there proceeds to want to hold my hand. Umm, no. This is a get-to-know-you date. I don't like to be touched by anyone. (Yet another reason my doc thinks I might be undiagnosed Aspie.) We get to her place and-surprise-it's not anywhere near the lake. She's been bragging about how nice it is the entire way there. Ahem. It's a older model trailer (singlewide) with purple shag carpeting on a scrubby piece of woody property. Once we arrive, for fun she takes me 4-wheeling. I consent to this to be polite, grit my teeth, and endeavour to enjoy myself. Just so you know, my idea of camping is Holiday Inn. I'm NOT an outdoorsy type. Finally we return to the trailer, where her dog then tries to bite me. By this time I'm wondering what bad karma I'm working out...

There was no second date, though she asked. We were just  not compatible. She had never read one book. Literally. She told me that. How do you get through high school without reading at least ONE book? I ask you!

 

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keltheimpossible

As to the issue of touch, most of my friends are fine with it and respect my boundaries. Since this IS the South, some form of hugging seems required for tribal reasons, and I can tolerate a brief hug. But that is pushing my limits.

I try to keep all my pics current. I look the way I look. 

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Alex122
keltheimpossible said:

As to the issue of touch, most of my friends are fine with it and respect my boundaries. Since this IS the South, some form of hugging seems required for tribal reasons, and I can tolerate a brief hug. But that is pushing my limits.

I try to keep all my pics current. I look the way I look. 

That's interesting that you mention that I'm in the same boat as you aspgrs and all. Makes people think I'm standoffish but I don't know why anyone would want to touch a stranger

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keltheimpossible

Yes, this is small- town Appalachia. People are very touchy-feely in this neck of the the woods. I'm an oddity here, in most ways. That's okay. I don't mind.

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Geekomatic

Touching, as in, a kind touch to the forearm, etc... is a way of connection. It's not meant in a personal way as such- but more to "assure" (in most instances).

I have a lot of my pensioners do this & I take it as a sign of friendship & comfort (them, to me).

 

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keltheimpossible

When I reframed it cognitively as a signal that I was part of the local tribe, a brief hug or touch became easier to handle. I'm used to it now and expect it in everyday transactions. I wouldn't go so far as to say I take comfort from it,b\c  being touched still is not to my liking, but I've learned to tolerate it.

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Geekomatic

Hi Kel,

I understand. I just thought I'd frame it to what I see it as (innocent). You, still have valid reasons it's not suitable for you.

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Sicca

I dated a guy with Aspergers and it took him a long time to get comfortable but he became REALLY touchy feely after several months. I grew up in the south and I can definitely relate to the touching that  Kel talked about. Admittedly, I'm touchy like that but I now ask strangers whether it's okay to touch them.

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Dell

Sorry that happened to you upon meeting for the first time. 

I can't help but wonder if when you two were talking and leading up to meeting, did either of you delve into why you agreed to meet?  I think this is a very important point where most people go off course.  We're your intentions to meet matching hers? We're you just wanting to meet because you felt you had commonality or attraction or something that drew you to her? I think being clear on your who you are, what you want and what you won't tolerate should be discussed before  meeting with this whole online dating thing, that way you won't go through things like you went through or waste your time.  

I had a similar experience years ago while just simply trying to find friends  to hang with?  My motive was to be in company with same gendered attracted people while her motive was to get me in bed yet I didn't think to ask why did she want to come visit me because I assumed she knew my motive.  Big mistake! And I Met her through a friend...not online. My point is, ask questions and state your intentions before meeting.  

Hope this helps! 

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