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Does anyone have any regrets?


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Greetings and salutations!

Happy to have found and be here on this site. The forums seem to be a great place to get advice or other information, so I figured I'd ask something that has been going back and forth in my mind for a bit now.

Quick backstory - I have identified as straight since...well, as long as I remember. I've never had any crushes on anyone of the same sex and I can't remember having any celebrity crushes that weren't male. That slight changed in college, but not by much. All of my sexual experiences were with men (none of them enjoyable at all) and other than one comment about Elizabeth Hurley (after the whole Hugh Grant thing), things were business as usual for the most part.

Fast forward to my late 30s when my dreams changed. I chalked it up to the upcoming gay wedding I was going to attend or my fiction/creative interest in a few different couples on two separate TV shows; basically, I wasn't sure what the obvious reasons were. Finally, after turning 40 last year, I said screw it. Clearly my brain is trying to tell me something, so I'll go about exploring whatever the heck this is.

That lasted for literally three outings with a Meetup group and then covid happened.

I'm now left with my own thoughts which have gone back and forth between this might actually be something to this is clearly a mid-life crisis or as Liz Lemon put it, a "late in life lez out." And I know that everyone has a unique story of their coming out, but from what I've seen, literally 98% of people have a similar story. And while that's not bad, it does make me wonder if this is something serious that's just finally at a place to explore or again, I'm having a mid-life crisis.

To the point that I'm starting to regret my feelings on all of this. Now, granted, I have A LOT of regrets about my life and this is just one more point, where I should've been doing this 20 years ago and not now and especially not during a damn global outbreak.

Has anyone else regretted their decision to come out? I haven't come out yet, in fact, I've kinda just opened the closet door and just looking around to see what's on the other side. 

But honestly, I'm kinda scared to take the steps. I'm sure my friends would have no issues about it and would support me and, if the world ever rights itself, I will be out and about, but that's a happy vision. I'm just afraid that this is just a reaction to my age, a reaction to my feelings on sex (either with men or just in general), my libido just being out of control, a reaction to maybe not wanting to be single anymore, etc

Basically everything could potentially change or worse, everything would still the same and in that vein, the question would be "I went through all of that for nothing??"

Did anyone feel that way? Feel that way now? Regret making such a change in life?

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