Contacting the Women Who Run

Lately, we've been getting about 300 emails per day regarding

(And that's not even counting the spam.)

That might not initially sound like a lot. But then consider that in terms of a week or a month.

Then please also realize that:

1) is entirely free for all members

2) running it is not anyone's full-time job or means of earning a living

While we do have advertising that supports the site itself, everyone working for it does so as a labor of love and on a volunteer basis.

So, that IS a lot of email, really.

Lots of email has been very enthusiastic and sweet support from members. We've also received lots of awesome "thank you" notes from those who met someone special on our site!

So we DO already know that MOST members wouldn't need the guidelines below. If you read them and think, "Oh, I TOTALLY understand and I would NEVER say or do THAT!" We believe you, and know you probably didn't need the guidelines anyway. Please don't feel insulted by them; they're not for you.

HOWEVER, as is probably predictably the case for any site with a huge number of members, there is a certain minority percentage that feel compelled to contact us during times when they have apparently mistaken their asses for hats.

Or, that other folks out there on the internet contact us about things in which we have no interest whatsoever, mostly "salescall" email.

Thus, in order to conserve our own valuable time and energy so that we can continue running this site with an overall sense of enthusiasm and joy for all members (or at least, those not currently mistaking their asses for hats), we have some guidelines.

If you cannot be bothered to adhere to them when contacting us, we will not feel obliged to invest any of our own time to respond.


If you've recently applied to the personals, please do not email us asking if you were accepted until at least a week after you submitted your profile.

As per the URL and the email everyone is sent after submitting a profile, one of the actual lesbian humans who run this thing scans each new profile using her actual eyeballs and organic brain before acceptance.

We may very well get to you before that, but please give us that much time first. Emailing us sooner won't get you in faster, we promise.

If it has been longer than a week and you want to inquire about your status, please email us FROM the same email address you used to submit your profile.

Also, please do not submit more profiles using other email addresses in the meantime. That's spammy for other members, and doing so is grounds for deletion.


If you have any other question about membership, please check our frequently asked questions page FIRST.

We spent a lot of time compiling all that.

Your question has most likely already been answered in the FAQ, it's extremely easy for you to read it in the FAQ, it's quicker and easier than emailing us your question, and that way you're not asking anyone to take her own personal time to continue retyping the same exact answers to the same exact questions over and over and over again.

We do answer a lot of emails because we're generally nice and happy to be helpful.

However, with the extremely high volume of email we get and the large number of members we have, we do find it entirely appropriate to limit the amount of time we're willing to devote to anyone who doesn't think she should take her own time to see if we've ALREADY answered her question.

Reasonable and reasonably intelligent adults will realize this policy is not only sensible, but completely necessary to preserve our sanity and our willingness to keep running this site for free FOR the reasonable and reasonably intelligent adults.

If you have serious difficulty understanding the above, supporting the above, and/or coping with the above, this is not the site for you.

(But we're sure you're much more intelligent and rational than that . . . right?)


Most members do not and never will have any question about that's not already covered in the faq. (That's why it's the faq, folks!)

But if you really do have one that isn't:

First, email us once and then wait a few days. Again, because this site is free, we do not have a cubefarm full of paid representatives standing by 24/7 "ready to take your call."

(Because that would cost a lot of money that we are not charging.)

Sending us the same question over and over many times hour after hour for a grand total of 38 times between the hours of 9 and 5 on one single day will not get you a response faster.

(What it will do is give us the impression you're a little out of control and possibly in need of medication.)

Second, please be as specific as possible with your question.

We occasionally get something like, "Hey, I can't get your site thing to work for me, what should I do?" (The End.)

We are not psychic and our powers of intuition are not superhuman, especially over the internet.

Please be as specific as you think you need to be, then be specific some more after that. There's a lot goin' on here on this site.

1) Precisely what isn't working for you?

2) Why do you imagine it isn't?

3) Precisely where on the site is that happening?

4) What are you trying to do that doesn't seem to work, and what happens instead?

5) Did you try using another browser and/or hitting refresh on yours? (good ideas, and good ideas BEFORE you email us)

6) Are you behind a firewall at a workplace or other institution that restricts and/or censors your internet usage when and where the problem occurred? (often a bad idea, please try somewhere else if that's the case before emailing us)


Please, no whining.

If you're in a whiny or otherwise terrible mood, email us later when you're not. We'll all be better as a result.

Our desire to help you and/or give you tips will be modulated by the tone of your email.

Minding your manners, using generally pleasant language, and attempting to mind your spelling, grammar and punctuation (at least to the extent your message will be comprehensible) will also increase your chances of getting a response.

Generally, we do want everyone who signs up to be thrilled they did so.

However, if you insist on being at all unpleasant, GENERALLY might NOT include YOU.

Specifically, you should avoid ALL of the following:

any implication that you are a "customer" or a "client" that can "demand decent customer service NOW!" ("customers" and "clients" pay money for the privilege of those titles)

any implication that you were charged any money by us (you weren't) or that we are a public utility/subsidized by any government/subsidized by your tax dollars and/or that we have any obligation to serve anyone at all we don't feel like serving for any reason (we aren't and we don't, this is a privately owned and operated site, paid for by private dollars)

any implication that we are under any legal, practical, ethical, moral, philosophical, contractual, spiritual, or otherwise metaphysical obligation to serve anyone at all, including YOU

(Again, we serve this community voluntarily because we choose to do so and we enjoy those in it . . . more often than not. And we do want the vast majority of our members to be happy ones. However, if you insist on being at all unpleasant . . . (see above))

any implication that the fact that we have offered you a free service means you are now also and additionally entitled to receive additional large chunks of our free time via a personalized correspondence, no matter how busy we are

any implication of any other extreme personal entitlement personality malfunction not already mentioned here that makes us imagine you are an asshat that the rest of our members would be better off WITHOUT


Nothing having to do with your membership on this site is an emergency.

No. It isn't.

If you think it is, please take a few deep breaths, then think again.

Nothing about this site deals with anything of a legitimately emergent nature.

Furthermore, we are not emergency workers, and this site is NOT staffed 24/7.

If you have an actual emergency, please contact your local police/fire department/crisis center/emergency hotline.


Any one person writing to us with her one opinion should at least try to understand that that is the situation.

Meaning, one person with one opinion.

This site has been around for awhile. At this point in our history, there is virtually nothing on it that hasn't been commented upon by hundreds if not thousands of women.

In addition to the many thousands of informal comments we've received, we've also formally conducted polls to inform changes of various site features. And many thousands of women responded to those as well.

This does NOT mean we won't value your opinion! In terms of intelligent opinion valuing, we've valued a very large number on numerous occasions, and we certainly will continue to do so.

However, we do get alternately amused and just a wee bit horrified when someone writes in with the following apparent beliefs:

1) that she's the very first person to comment on whatever she's commenting upon

2) that we never gave whatever she's writing about even one moment's thought ourselves prior to her email

3) if she's suggesting some sort of change, 100% of all existing members and even all future members would be extremely enthusiastic about exactly what she's proposing exactly the way she's proposing it

At this point in our history, none of the above will almost always be the case.

So, try not to do that and we'll value your opinion even MORE, alrighty?


We've received a metric TON of email wanting to "know who to contact" about Exciting! Partnership! Opportunities!

We (previously) responded to some of those, and about 95% were wanting us to pay them money for some sort of publicity we allegedly weren't already receiving.

This was especially annoying because those with these Exciting! Opportunities! To! Give! Them! Money! usually weren't initially forthcoming regarding their intentions.

So, please know the following and respond (or not) accordingly:

This is NOT a "pay for play" site.

All services we offer are totally free.

All free, all features, all of the time.

We know, sometimes that's hard for some people to understand or believe, but IT IS TRUE.



And no, we're NOT gearing up to charge later, it always has been and will continue to be TOTALLY FREE.

Thus, it doesn't make sense for us to pay for publicity or advertising or optimization or links of any kind.

You're not going to be the exception to the above in that you'll be the only one to which we'll give money.

No, really.

Spare yourself some aggravation and go ahead and trust us on that.

If you want to contact us about something that does NOT involve trying to get us to give you money, be completely forthcoming and share all relevant details in your INITIAL email.

If the "opportunity" you want to discuss with us sounds vague and/or you've not described it to any decent extent, we'll assume you're the sneaky sales type and we won't respond.


If you want us to post your URL in our directory, we will consider that only in the event of a mutual and mutually beneficial link exchange. For all link exchanges, your site will need to be something we imagine at least some of our members would actually enjoy and/or from which they might derive benefit.

In case you're the spammy sort, did you READ that last sentence?

In the history of this website, we've accepted approximately 1 out of every 954 trillion link exchange requests.

If you're an actual lesbian (or queer woman, or bisexual woman, or genderqueer or trans person) with a website you actually worked on yourself and your website deals with things an actual lesbian might actually want to bother to concern or entertain herself with, that ratio shouldn't daunt you, because you're the exact sort we DO accept.

Otherwise, it should, because we've been spammed by idiots about idiotic things like nobody's business, and no, we never listed any spammer's website.

To submit a link exchange request, you'd go to our link exchange area.


We also get a lot of email asking us to do an "email blast" with some sort of "press release" or "important announcement" to all our members.

Yes, we know a lot of sites do that.

We do NOT.


We have a posted policy of never sending any member anything other than that which they initiated themselves via signing up for the site, an answer to a question they sent in themselves, something directly regarding their personal participation in the site services, or an announcement of something very major involving one of the things they already signed up for on this site that they'll need to know for continued use.

Announcements of major site changes are extremely infrequent, less than once/year.

And, even if we did NOT have such a policy, our membership is so diverse, geographically and otherwise, there's virtually no conceivable announcement involving anything outside this site that all members would find personally pertinent. Thus, any one announcement would no doubt be viewed by many as at best annoying, at worst, spam-like.

If you have an announcement that's pertinent to some segment of the community AND actually newsworthy (this means something that an ACTUAL NEWSPAPER might print something about OTHER THAN as a paid ad), you can sign up yourself and post that yourself in our "BEST PLACES for Lesbians (and those that love them)" area in the community forum, noting it as a locale and/or time-limited announcement in the subject line of your post.

An example of a worthwhile announcement would be an upcoming conference, march, or other gathering of queer women.

No, we will not do this for you. (Why will we not do this for you? #1: We don't have the time. #2: It's your announcement anyway, silly, YOU are the one with the info. We don't want anyone else thinking we're the ones responsible for the event then sending us questions we can't answer regarding it.)

Again, this is not an invitation to spam the community forum with announcements of various internet commercial products or services. The community forum is monitored regularly and anything like that is quickly deleted.

If something is an advertisement for a commercial service, but not one that is paid for in a way that helps keep our doors open, its life on our site will be severely brief. Please don't waste your time.

So, still want to contact us?

I confirm understanding of all the guidelines above.

I solemnly swear under penalty of admitting that I am a GIANT ASSHAT that I:

am not going to whine.

understand that is not going to give me/my organization any money.

understand that I am NOT in the right place to get my URL listed.

understand that will never do any "email blasts" for me.

am not going to ask if my personals profile was accepted less than 72 hours after submitting it.

am not asking a question already covered in the faq.

am not going to email the same question repeatedly over a short period of time without waiting for an answer.

Then you should email us at: